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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

trailer break: ‘Fired Up’

Take a break from work: watch a trailer…

Again with the Hollywood and the hating females. Again with the women ruining perfect normal guys with their emotions and their hotness and their making the perfectly normal guys fall in love and do all sorts of things that perfectly normal guys shouldn’t do, like feel things. But here’s something new: girls can’t do anything right unless they’re terrifying, ballbusting bitches, or unless they have guys to show them how to do it. And then there’s the extra special sauce of the idea of women as prizes to be passed from the jerks to the “nice” guys.

It’s as if Hollywood decided that Bring It On was too feminist and those uppity cheerleaders needed to be taken down a notch and reminded precisely where in the hierarchy of humanity girls and women stand: under men.

Oh, but it gets better:

Shawn Colfax and Nick Brady, the stars of the Gerald R. Ford High School football team, are dreading the prospect of another summer at football camp. When Nick hatches a scheme for the two to join their school’s cheerleaders at cheer camp instead, they find themselves awash in a sea of gorgeous young women. It all goes great until Shawn falls for Carly, the beautiful head cheerleader who sees right through them.

She sees right through them? Man, she must be an Einstein or sumthin’. (Translation: Girls are very very very dumb, unless they’re just sort of very dumb.)

It’s like Bosom Buddies for mentally challenged hamsters looking for a movie they can just sit back, relax, and switch their tiny damaged brains off for. Mentally challenged hamsters who hate women, that is.

Fired Up! opens in the U.S. on February 20 and in the U.K. on May 22.

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