Rotten Tomatoes commenters are the best!

I should never ever look at the comments people post on Rotten Tomatoes, but sometimes I simply cannot help myself. Here’s a delicious sampling of what RTers are saying in response to my review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen… or, more likely, in response to the tiny excerpt from my review that appears at RT, which is:

[L]ike the most totally awesome artifact ever of the end of the American empire… loud, obnoxious, sexist, racist, juvenile, unthinking, visceral, and violent… and in love with ourselves for it. [More]

The most awesome feedback so far:

Leave it to a douchey movie critic to use Transformers to make an idiotic political statement.

You, my dear, are the epitome of high horse riding trash…. You, madam, are a complete idiot. I can’t believe that I even gave you the benefit of a stupid comment on rotten tomatoes.

Its amazing how all of these bad reviews come from people who are too old to be even reviewing movies, the target audience was for people in their 20’s who were fans of the original show. Not crusty old hags who shouldn’t be reviewing movies anyway.

I don’t mind being called names. I actually find it hilarious that anyone thinks name-calling is constructive feedback. What really rankles me is the thought that so few people seem to understand that it’s Michael Bay who is using Transformers to make political statements, even if he doesn’t realize it or it’s accidental, or that even a movie aimed at children and meant to be “mere” entertainment certainly reflects the larger society.

I wish I found it funnier that these commenters clearly do not realize that they are confirming, at least, my characterization of us as obnoxious, juvenile, sexist, and unthinking.

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Newbs
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 12:16pm

A crusty old hag who shouldn’t be reviewing movies anyway! That needs to be up in your little gray bar at the top of the site. :)

Sir Michael
Sir Michael
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 12:24pm

Well to be fair, you posted your review on the internet where anyone could read it. It was inevitable that you would get pilloried by screaming fanboys, even if your review was spot on in every single way.

This film is worse than most Uwe Boll films. It’s reminds me of Battlefield Earth.

Look on the bright side, at least he (Michael Bay) isn’t trying to make ‘historically accurate’ films anymore. I don’t think I could have watched another Pearl Harbor without throwing myself off the Leaning Tower if Pisa due to the shame of being the same species as Michael Bay.

Glenn
Glenn
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 12:46pm

I thought the review was spot on. Kudos to you, hag or not.

JoshDM
JoshDM
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 12:52pm

As a fan of the original G1 show, Beast Wars/Machines and the recent Animated series, I found both Transformers movies to be horrible. These movies were not made for the fans.

Tonio Kruger
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 12:57pm

MaryAnn–who is at least eight years younger than me–is considered too old to have a decent opinion on movies.

Please excuse me while I go pound my forehead on the desk for a while….

Tony
Tony
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 1:04pm

Its amazing how all of these bad reviews come from people who are too old to be even reviewing movies, the target audience was for people in their 20’s who were fans of the original show. Not crusty old hags who shouldn’t be reviewing movies anyway.

Mary Ann…how the devil does this guy know how old you are? If anything this movie was made for GenXers that watched this in the mid-80s. And I hate to break it to him but people in their 20s weren’t old enough to watch the original series. Some of them wouldn’t have been born when the cartoon movie came out.

Kate
Kate
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 1:12pm

Gosh, I’m so envious! Apparently that one commenter is going to stay young forever! Wow, he really must be smarter than the rest of us to have that little trick figured out, and therefore his opinion matters more than those of us who are – gasp! – aging.

All I gotta say, little man, is: tick tock.

Michael
Michael
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 1:19pm

How dare you, MaryAnn, how dare you express your opinion?!

;)

Riley
Riley
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 1:22pm

As a guy in his mid-20s who was a fan of the original series, along with G.I. Joe which also has an upcoming live action movie, I don’t get it. I have no interest in seeing something just because I was a fan as a kid. I liked Sesame Street a whole lot, but I’m not waiting for that movie. I’m not going to puree my dinner tonight because I once ate baby food every day. If Transformers 2 seemed like a good movie, I’d see it. But nostalgia alone is a poor reason for making/seeing a POS film.

boricuaintexas
boricuaintexas
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 4:11pm

For what it’s worth, the review also has fans. It was quoted yesterday in a Movieline post called “The 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” Your review was # 2 on the list.

Victor Plenty
Victor Plenty
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 5:09pm

Revenge of missing the point on an epic scale.

Well to be fair, you posted your review on the internet where anyone could read it. It was inevitable that you would get pilloried by screaming fanboys, even if your review was spot on in every single way.

Perhaps, Sir Michael, but this is much funnier than the usual examples of screaming fanboyism. This response is similar to the case of the infamous cartoons about Muhammad from several years back. The fanatics in that instance went a bit beyond the “fanboy” descriptor, but the parallel element of clueless self-refuting tactics remains the same.

Cartoon incident: “Your cartoons unfairly imply that Muslims are violent, and to prove you wrong, we’re now going to chant that you must be killed!”

Current incident: “Your review unfairly calls this movie loud, crass, sexist, and insulting; and to prove you wrong, now we’ll try to shout you down with crass and sexist insults!”

The one bright spot is that this idiocy over the review has far fewer threats of direct violence than that idiocy over the cartoons.

doa766
doa766
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 7:19pm

“What really rankles me is the thought that so few people seem to understand that it’s Michael Bay who is using Transformers to make political statements, even if he doesn’t realize it or it’s accidental”

you didn’t undertand that until the sequel

Mathias
Mathias
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 8:06pm

I gotta admit MaryAnn, Doa’s got a point.

All the things you find offensive about this film is apparent in the 2007 film too. You know, the one you recommended as brainless entertainment?

Dave
Dave
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 11:44pm

Yeah, I have to agree with the last two comments. I found the original to be incredibly racist and sexist–i haven’t seen it in a while, but I remember Spanish speaking guys being yelled at to “speak English or shut up,” and then Jazz, the gang-sign throwing Transformer, who I believe was the only Autobot to die in that film. Megan Fox’s body received the same leering, creepy attention from Bay’s lens–and her character was underage and in high school, if I remember correctly.

Mike
Mike
Thu, Jun 25, 2009 11:48pm

What is below is truly a great block of prose. It shows a depth of understanding of modern America that I rarely see printed anywhere.

I’m certain that someday it will be acknowledged that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is like the most totally awesome artifact ever of the end of the American empire. It’s so us, a preposterously perfect reflection of who we are: loud, obnoxious, sexist, racist, juvenile, unthinking, visceral, and violent… and in love with ourselves for it. And Michael Bay is the high priest of our self-engrossment. It’s not enough that we like blowing shit up: the blowing shit up must be transubstantiated into something religious by having, say, a ridiculously gorgeous girl humping a motorcycle, her face aglow in the golden hour of sunset as she watches the shit get blown up, her glossy lips parted just a little in orgasmic joy.

Thera Pitts
Thera Pitts
Fri, Jun 26, 2009 2:46am

Crusty old hag? What are you, 37?

Der Bruno Stroszek
Der Bruno Stroszek
Fri, Jun 26, 2009 6:19am

I haven’t researched the issue, but I’m pretty sure that MaryAnn’s younger than Michael Bay, too. So this idea that MaryAnn’s too old to ‘get’ it, but Michael Bay’s not old enough to make it? Not making sense.

Der Bruno Stroszek
Der Bruno Stroszek
Fri, Jun 26, 2009 6:21am

Whoops, that should be “…not too old to make it”. Point remains the same.

Mathias
Mathias
Fri, Jun 26, 2009 11:51am

MaryAnn’s 39 and Bay’s 45.

Hardly a case of conflicting generational tastes.

Angela
Angela
Fri, Jun 26, 2009 1:08pm

Most online comments threads are worth the paper they’re printed on. I’m always impressed that things here remain sane for the most part; any female writing regularly online sooner or later runs into one or two of the absolutely rabid type who see a female face and can’t stop ranting — and usually in a weirdly pompous tone a la comment #2. “My dear” indeed. Gah.

Though you haven’t explained, MaryAnn, why you’d first put yourself through Transformers Deux and then up the pain level with a trip the RT comments thread. Glutton for punishment much this week?

Parrish
Parrish
Mon, Jun 29, 2009 12:26pm

Clearly, the proper response to being called “obnoxious, sexist, juvenile, unthinking, visceral, and violent” is to refer to call the writer a stupid bitch and crusty old hag. It unequivocally disproves all of the allegations being leveled.

The bigger question, obviously, is why does MAJ hate America? Why does she make little blonde babies cry with her interweb? Why does she despise our freedom?

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Mon, Jun 29, 2009 3:05pm

Though you haven’t explained, MaryAnn, why you’d first put yourself through Transformers Deux

Are you kidding? First, my traffic has been through the roof on that review. Second, I knew it would either be fun to rip the film, or fun to discover that here was another Bay film I didn’t want to rip.

I don’t just want to see movies I think I’m going to like. I want to see as many movies as I can — particularly the ones that are going to be popular — and figure out what that popularity says about us. My entire reason for being here as a critic is connected to movies like *Transformers,* whether I end up liking them or not.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Mon, Jun 29, 2009 3:08pm

So this idea that MaryAnn’s too old to ‘get’ it, but Michael Bay’s not old enough to make it? Not making sense.

But Bay is a boy, and therefore normal. I am a girl, and therefore suspicious and weird.