omg: make your own Wil Wheaton/John Scalzi fanfic

Or Clash of the Geeks.

You know who Wil Wheaton is: the erstwhile Wesley Crusher, currently professional geek and keeper of WWdN: In Exile — which always makes me do a double take, because I expect the wWdN to stand for “What Would Wil Wheaton Do?” which it might as well do, seeing as how it serves as a geek destination of the first order. If you don’t know who John Scalzi is, he is the author of many awesome science fiction novels, including Old Man’s War [Amazon U.S.] [Amazon Canada] [Amazon U.K.]; he’s a creative consultant on Stargate: Universe; and he started out as a mere fanboy of yours truly before he hit it big (true story). John is also world famous on the Internet for having taped bacon to his cat.

So, basically, Wheaton and Scalzi are two nerd tastes that taste great together. Which is where they are, for some bizarre reason, in this astonishing work of fine art, by painter Jeff Zugale, after the jump…

Seriously, you might want to put on sunglasses or perhaps make one of those pinhole boxes they tell you to watch eclipses with…

No, really. As Wheaton himself said of this masterwork, one’s only reaction to this must be:

I will never again in my life see something this epic, so I may as well pluck my eyes out with a spork right now.

Are you ready? Got your spork? Okay…

(That’s Wheaton on the unicorn kitten, of course, and Scalzi as the orc.)

What would prompt the creation of a work of art that is, clearly, one of the greatest achievements of the human race in all of recorded history? From Scalzi:

For the benefit of the Lupus Alliance of America, John Scalzi, Wil Wheaton and Subterranean Press are running a fan fiction contest, in which contestants write a 400 to 2,000 word story describing the picture above. Any form of fan fiction is acceptable except slash. The winner of the contest will be paid for their story (10 cents a word), win a prize pack of books from Subterranean Press, and will have their story published in a special electronic chapbook featuring stories about the painting, written by Scalzi, Wheaton, Catherynne Valente and Patrick Rothfuss, to be published later this year, with profits to benefit the Lupus Foundation of America. E-mail the stories with the text in the e-mail to by 11:59pm Eastern, June 30, 2010. One entry per person.

There are a few more rules you should be aware of, if you’re considering entering this contest, but that’s the gist of it.

(Oh, and that sweater on Wheaton? It was not invented by the artist.)

Am I going to enter this contest? You bet your bippy I am.

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Fri, Jun 04, 2010 1:03pm


Valente and Rothfuss are also authors that folks need to check out, if they haven’t.


Fri, Jun 04, 2010 3:13pm

As of right now, Unicat is pretty much my favorite animal.

Fri, Jun 04, 2010 5:54pm

I’m working on my story right now! I met Wil at Phoenix Comicon last weekend – well met is a strong word, I squeaked out my name and he signed his book for me – but I really, really enjoyed the three panels he was on. Unfortunately I missed on on John Scalzi and the unveiling of this mind-blowing image (I am ashamed to admit that I skipped that panel so I could go to IKEA) but when I saw it from home I knew I had to give it a shot. :D

Tonio Kruger
Fri, Jun 04, 2010 6:51pm

Oops! Please delete previous post.

What? No image of Sheldon Cooper in that painting?

I, for one, am disappointed.

(Oh, and that sweater on Wheaton? It was not invented by the artist.)

But by God, Eliot, it was a photograph from life.;-)