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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

trailers = big box of candy

So I saw two movies today. I’ve got two tomorrow. One on Thursday. And on Friday, I’ll definitely see one movie opening this week that won’t screen for critics, and if time allows, maybe a second.

Five, six, seven movies is a pretty normal week for me. And by five, six, seven movies, I mean movies consumed in either a screening room or a multiplex, not movies I might watch at home on DVD or streaming or whatever. (I stopped counting those movies.) Proper movie-watching.

Except… we don’t get trailers in screening rooms. I wish we did. My first movie today was in a multiplex — Get Low, for which I never even received a screening invite; dunno what happened there — and it reminded me how much I miss trailers. Yeah, we can watch trailers on YouTube, but it’s not the same. Because there you are in the multiplex, and sometimes the gauntlet you have to run just to get your butt into a seat can be an annoying experience. (As today’s was for me. Since when does stupid Lincoln Plaza not accept credit cards? I know I’ve use a credit card to buy tickets there before, but the box office clerk was all, No, ma’am, we have never taken credit cards. *argh*) But then the lights go down and you forget all the annoyances because you’re totally psyched: movie! And then you get the trailers.
I don’t care what movies the trailers are for. Cuz it’s like: You love movies? You fear that you’ll never get to all the movies that have already been released? Well, we’re not slowing down for you: here’s more movies you absolutely must see before you die.

It’s torture, sure, but trailers are wonderful torture. Even when I am absolutely assured the movies I’m watching trailers for will suck harder than anything has ever sucked before, for a brief moment, at least, I am entranced. I could pick this movie to see, or I could pick that one… or I could pick all of them.

While I was waiting for Get Low to start this afternoon, a couple came in and sat directly in front of me, even though the theater was mostly empty. I grumbled and slid down a few seats so I would not be right behind them, but I was still close enough to hear the man, after the trailers finished, grumble to the woman, “There’s three movies we can skip.”

And I thought: How do you go to the movies — any movie — if you don’t love movies, and want to see every single one of them?

What is wrong with people?

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maryann buzz | trailers

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