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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

Game of Thrones S04 E08: “The Mountain and the Viper” (you’re reading it wrong, Grandpa!)

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(previous: “Mockingbird”)

No no no no no no. I hate you, George R.R. Martin. Hate. All this stupid senseless pointless death. It’s the wrong people dying! Oberyn? Why?? He’s Inigo Montoya, and the Mountain killed his sister and he was supposed to be preparing to die.

I suppose it’s too much to expect a miraculous rescue for Tyrion, eh?

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Jesus, Grandpa. Why did you read me this book?

Dear god, but Ramsay Snow is a monster. Flaying men who’ve surrendered? And now he’s just gotten a promotion from bastard to heir of Warden of the North.

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There will be no living with him now. Probably literally. There is scourge and death in those eyes. I’m thinking Dad may want to keep one eye open around his son.

Daenerys has kicked Jorah out. Well, he probably deserved that.

Sansa is starting to learn how to play the game, but even as she convincingly lies to save Baelish for being punished for Lysa’s death, she only ends up making him look more decent and noble than he could ever have managed on his own. And is she just not capable of being nasty? Cuz when he’s got this weaselly smirk on his face:

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I really wanted to reaction shot to be her shooting him a “you owe me, you bastard” look. But no:

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She just looks sad and scared. Is she too decent for this world? Will Baelish be one of the few left standing in the end?

Oh oh oh, and you know what other shitty thing is about to happen?

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Arya and the Hound have come all this way to the Vale of Arryn, and Sansa is right inside, and they are going to turn around and walk away because Lysa is dead and so there’s no one for the Hound to ransom Ayra too. (I’m right, aren’t I? I haven’t read the books. No, don’t tell me.) And none of the guards hanging around outside can go, “Say, kid, your sister is right inside, come say hello,” because they don’t know actually know who the young lady guest with the red hair really is.

*aaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh*

I hate this show.

Little bits of sweetness among all the horror: How all of Sam’s buddies try to reassure him that Gilly and little Sam may have survived the Wilding attack on the village near Castle Black. And how Grey Worm of the Unsullied has a crush on Daenerys’s handmaiden Missandei.

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Aww. He’s like a puppy. A neutered puppy, but he clearly is still able to be interested.

But we can guess that both of these things will turn out horrible in coming episodes.

(next: “The Watchers on the Wall”)


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