even The New York Times has given up on quality film journalism

Oh, sure, the Times still has its few film critics reviewing films they’ve actually seen. But now, in an attempt to, perhaps, get on that Net bandwagon of movie blather that shits out thousands of words about movies saying nothing at all, it is introducing a new feature: “The Moviegoers.”

Welcome to The Moviegoers, an occasional new series in which the Op-Ed columnists Frank Bruni and Ross Douthat banter about movies, pop culture, television and other real-world distractions.

The Moviegoers? How many brand consultants do you think they paid how much to come up with that?

From 1993-95, Frank was a movie critic for The Detroit Free Press, and he has written frequently on culture for The New York Times Magazine and for the Arts & Leisure section. Ross is the film critic for National Review and frequently writes about film and TV on his Times blog.

So, Bruni hasn’t been a film critic for 20 years, and Douthat’s criticism at the National Review is available only to subscribers to the print version. Maybe. Douthat isn’t mentioned at National Review Online at all.

But whatever the quality of their credentials, the quality of their conversation about movies doesn’t even measure up to the very low bar set by all the geek-orgy sites that litter the web.

Douthat: [Y]es: I need to see “Calvary,” not least because if it’s as good as you say…

Bruni: I haven’t seen “Boyhood,” and I’m ashamed.

Douthat: “Lucy” sounds just terrible…

That’s right: they’re talking about movies they haven’t even seen, in some cases. This is about as useful or enlightening as fanboys orgasmically speculating about what we’ll see in some superhero movie coming in 2017 the script for which hasn’t even been written yet. (Which, in case you’re unaware, makes up about 75 percent of the content on many of the geek sites around the web.)

Douthat: Eve Tushnet’s contrarian take [on “Boyhood”] for The American Conservative captured some of its third-act problems pretty well.

Bruni: I… didn’t understand the shrill pitch of Gary Oldman’s performance [in “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”], which Andrew O’Hehir made accurate fun of in his pan of the movie in Salon.

Douthat: I’m pretty sure I’m stealing this line from someone on Twitter

They can’t be bothered to explain their own opinions, so they’re borrowing other people’s.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, these two well-off white men have something to say about class warfare:

Bruni: [about “Snowpiercer”] I’m not sure we’ll get very far by painting the rich as morally hopeless people who must be subverted, vanquished, overtaken.

Douthat: [“Snowpiercer” warns that] the existing links between rich and poor can be severed only at great cost.

Yes, by all means, let’s make sure we don’t upset the rich, or make them worry about losing any of their wealth or privilege.

And of course these two well-off white men are all over the state of women in Hollywood:

Bruni: Women fared reasonably well. Not in terms of quality, mind you…. We still have a long way to go before female actors stand at the helm of as many big-budget extravaganzas and as many franchises as male actors do.

Glad he let us know that.

Douthat: And as for “Wonder Woman” … [A]ll the excitement about how Marvel is going to finally give us a superheroine just feels like a step in the wrong direction, for womankind and audiences alike.

Professional God-botherer and woman-hating, sex-fearing adolescent concern troll Ross Douthat: he knows all about what’s good for women!

Fuck this shit. Fuck me. These guys are getting paid for this. By The New York Times.


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