Quantcast
please donate

since 1997 | by maryann johanson

I need a new bingo card…

…one to track Terrible Ways to Treat Women Onscreen.

This is the movie that convinced me:

image001

Logline: A mourning father moves across the country with his teenage son for a private school teaching job, after the early death of his wife. Their lives begin to transform due to two unique women, who help them embrace life and love again.


posted in:
maryann rants | movie buzz
explore:

  • RogerBW

    “Woman could be replaced by a vintage car, comic book collection, or pet dog, without materially altering the plot.”

  • amanohyo

    If you do make one of these, I guarantee Blade Runner 2049 will score a double Bingo, maybe a triple. I’ve never been so pissed off leaving a theater. It’s the kind of regurgitated pablum I expect from Bay or Besson.

    “I want to make this character bad, but writing is hard.” Have you considered showing the character torturing and murdering a woman? “Wow, that solves everything! Wait, but how do I make a good female character?” Simple, just show her wanting to fuck the hero! “Thanks 1950’s hack writer’s guide! Now I never have to think again!” And they never did. The End.

    Just once this year, I’d like come out of a theater thinking, “Hey, that’s an interesting idea that I haven’t seen explored before. Hey, I’ve never seen that kind of female character in a scifi movie. It’s almost as if the writers spent more than five fucking minutes considering her character design.” That’s not a lot to ask for after 35 years… is it? (The Girl With All the Gifts is the last movie that made me feel this way)

    Feel free to delete this rant – I just really reeeeally wanted Villeneuve not to screw the electric pooch. If it wasn’t called Blade Runner, it would be another mediocre movie and I’d move on, but damn, what a prodigious waste of skin and light. The title should have been Blade Runner 2049: Soulless Resurrection

  • Danielm80

    There was this fantastic project a few years back…Where are the Women? It listed all sorts of sexist tropes about women in movies. You could probably take some of the text and copy it directly onto a Bingo card. The only problem is…the project was so well thought out that it might have listed more than 25.

  • amanohyo

    To reassure myself I’m not being typically contrarian for no reason, I scored BR2049 on the WatW scale. It earned a -70.

    So, slightly better than Ex Machina and The Transporter Refueled, a little worse than Entourage and Pixels. Everything decent in it is lifted directly from films with more depth (GitS, GitS2, The Dark Knight Rises, Children of Men, Her, etc.) and the script and camera treat women like shit, disposable sexy shit… and Leto’s Carl Sagan/Agent Smith/Steve Jobs line delivery is distractingly silly for a character meant to be menacing.

    Alright, it’s out of my system. You make a good point – a lot of the WatW criteria would be perfect for a new Bingo card. It’ll take a few days, but maybe we can narrow it down to twenty five core principles. Your original card has a great sense of snark and sarcasm. I’ll try to emulate that – let me know if you have any suggestions or edits.

  • amanohyo

    Alright, this is going to be long. I’ve been calling this Bechtel Bingo in my head, but the categories also can be rearranged to spell the word SMART, which plays in to the conceited, elitist straw-feminist image. Many of the boxes can fit in multiple columns, and it still needs work, so please make suggestions and edits if you have the time:

    Sexuality/Gender

    1. There are topless men jiggling their pecs and bouncing their ballsacks in movies all the time!
    2. You don’t get it, women use their lack of armor in this universe as a tactic to distract the men they fight.
    3. No one wants to see lesbian sex unless the girls are hot and they’re doing it in front of a man!
    4. Women are always looking for Mr. Right, haven’t you seen Sex and the City?
    5. But it’s always funny when a man dresses up as a woman!

    Male Gaze

    1. Of course the camera zooms in on on her tits and ass, that’s what happens in real life!
    2. All the women want to fuck him immediately because he’s the hero and he’s ripped as fuck!
    3. She’s half naked all the time because robot mercenary assassin ninja warriors never get cold.
    4. If we didn’t see her tortured, raped, and murdered by the villain, how would we know how evil he is?
    5. The strip club establishes a gritty, urban atmosphere. It’s an essential component of this genre.

    Agency

    1. She may be trapped in a bubble and have no lines, but she’s actually integral to the plot.
    2. She’s kidnapped in the third act because the hero needs to prove how much he loves her!
    3. Women marry artistic men twice their age to inspire them all the time!
    4. She had sex with him so he could learn to love life again.
    5. But moms really do think about their children twenty-four hours a day!

    Representaion

    1. She’s only in two scenes, but her beauty is what inspired him to become a better man!
    2. The deaths of his wife, mother, girlfriend, and sisters give him a tragic past to overcome.
    3. Another female main character? This is all part of the liberal feminist SJW communist socialist vegan atheist PETA atheist jew UN globalist conspiracy to kill off the oppressed white man.
    4. Yeah, it’s a story about a father and his son, but the themes are universal! Haven’t you read the Bible?
    5. Not all the women are all young, thin, white, and attractive, what about that chubby, self-deprecating comic relief character?

    Tropes

    1. She’s a hooker, but you can tell she’s actually a good person because she fucks the hero free of charge.
    2. She’s quirky, funny, and perfect because the hero needs to reconnect with the deferred dreams of his youth.
    3. But all feminists really do hate men who aren’t hot doormats or billionaires with twelve inch dicks!
    4. She’s a micromanaging, cold, power-hungry bitch because all female bosses give up their humanity for their careers.
    5. It makes sense that she’s evil and cruel because she can’t have babies and seeing beautiful young girls makes her jealous.

    To anyone still reading this, please feel free to suggest changes or deletions. My feelings won’t be hurt as long as you include a 10,000 word essay justifying your heartless destruction of my masterpiece and Fedex me a single peanut butter cookie with a smiley face painted in chocolate frosting. Good luck in your future endeavors M’Ladies and M’Gents.

Pin It on Pinterest