Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (review)

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I should have walked out at the “comical” dog-sex scene. Instead I endured until Martin Lawrence got skunked in the face — that should have made me happy, and yet I felt dirty all over, and had to escape. Still, I feel confident in saying, though I saw only two-thirds of the film, that this is one of the absolute worst movies ever produced by the hands of humans. Oh, sure, who wouldn’t be charmed by the “sentimental” spectacle of Lawrence’s hotshot L.A. talk-show host heading home to Bumfuck, The South, for his parents’ 50th wedding anniversary celebration, with his gorgon of a girlfriend — she won Survivor; that’s the kind of aggressive bitch she is — in tow, so that all and sundry of his redneck, blackface family can taunt him about how “white” he’s become? Theaters will have to take out special insurance for all the audience member suffering whiplash from trying to keep up with the changes in tone of this monstrosity, which veers from “sappy claptrap” to “minstrel show” with nary a warning: the only consistency to the film comes via the fact that just about every single character here is uniformly and unrelenting a horrible excuse for a human being. The only cinematic salvation possible in those last few minutes that I couldn’t bear to watch would have been if poor James Earl Jones, as Lawrence’s father, were actually raptured up into heaven by Jesus Christ himself, the Almighty Himself having taken pity upon him.

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Fri, Feb 08, 2008 9:17pm

I’m very, very sorry you had to sit through (two-thirds) of this movie, but still, I think it’s resulted in one my favorite reviews you’ve written, ever.

Sat, Feb 09, 2008 1:57pm

This week mosta felt like you were sitting in the 3rd layer of hell. First you had to sit through “over her dead body”, then “Fools gold” and now this. Its no wonder you left.

Sat, Feb 09, 2008 3:00pm

That’s what January and February usually are: cinematic hell.

marc adams
marc adams
Sun, Feb 10, 2008 4:03am

just read this review after seeing this film…this chick reviewer is a bad time.

you obviously take yourself waaay too seriously darlin’! were you expecting casablanca? you sound angry.
maybe b/c you’re a 2?

martin took a backseat for the first time, and it served him well.

Mon-IQue killed it!

Flippin Darth Vader was in the cast……Advise: Hide a stiff drinkin your GF’s purse and allow yourself a few silly laughs people.

Smarten-Up Goof,


Sun, Feb 10, 2008 8:32pm

Marc Adams, next time you feel it necessary to insult MaryAnn for a coherent, well-thought out film review, please do so in English. You pretty much only made yourself sound like an uneducated, sexist asshole and, therefore, we don’t care what you think.

MaryAnn, I give you credit for sticking around for even 2/3 of this. Just the previews make me cringe.

Tue, Feb 12, 2008 10:34pm

I don’t know if I have higher tolerance or what, but I didn’t think it was the WORST movie I’ll see this year, not when I’ve already seen Fool’s Gold. I think it’s because I have a soft spot for Whitney Houston’s “Saving All My Love for You.” Malcolm D. Lee has a knack for finding the right music, even in a horrible movie like this.

The slapstick stuff struck me as bad but pretty typical; it’s the emotional abuse that got to me. That whole family treated Martin Lawrence like shit! For serious! Why is his brother allowed to bag on him for not being with his son enough but he’s not allowed to fire back about his morbidly obese niece and nephew? Why will James Earl Jones not accept his gift of a very nice TV? Not that Martin Lawrence was an angel himself. Please tell me you at least made it to the part where Lawrence dumps his fiancee by humiliating her and telling her “Bounce, bitch” RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS KID, and his kid CHEERS HIM ON. Isn’t that adorable? I can’t wait to see what this kid will be like when he starts dating.

Tue, Feb 12, 2008 10:48pm

No, I did not make it to that point, and I’m glad I didn’t.

Wed, Feb 13, 2008 12:10pm

The fact that Martin ‘really, I’m not funny’ Lawrence is in this ‘movie’ was a good clue as to its quality.

I must agree with #1, though – possibly my favorite review ever.