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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

dream cast: hypothetical ‘Three’s Company’ movie

It’s Thursday, so it’s time for another Dream Cast, in which we take a classic movie or TV show — perferrably something with Xer appeal that we can either trash or have fun with — and recast a hypothetical (or sometimes not so hypothetical) remake with actors working today. This week: Three’s Company, the 1977-84 ABC sitcom about a straight man who pretends to be gay so he can share a Santa Monica apartment with two straight women.

(If you have a suggestion for a classic TV show or movie we could play Dream Cast with, feel free to email me.)
I remember being a small, stupid, uncritical child and loving this show. I’m not sure whether I understood, at the time, much of what passed for humor here. Did I know what it meant when people said a man was gay, or why mistaken sexual identity could be “funny”? I’m not sure I did.

The original cast featured:

Jack Tripper: John Ritter
Janet Wood: Joyce DeWitt
Chrissy Snow: Suzanne Somers
Larry Dallas: Richard Kline

and
Mr. Roper: Norman Fell
Mrs. Roper: Audra Lindley

or
Ralph Furley: Don Knotts

It’s almost inevitable that a movie mounting — heh, I said mounting — of this sitcom would have to be a sendup. Because a story about a man denied an apartment on account of his heterosexuality would be an episode of Boston Legal these days, not a farce. So that means either a brilliant Brady Bunch-style wink-and-nod, or a tedious Starsky & Hutch-style phony nostalgia fest.

If it went bad, my dreading cast would be:

Jack Tripper: Ben Stiller
Janet Wood: Megan Fox
Chrissy Snow: Anna Faris
Larry Dallas: Jack Black

and
Ralph Furley: Kevin James

If it went right, my dream cast would be:

Jack Tripper: Sam Rockwell
Janet Wood: Missi Pyle
Chrissy Snow: Kristin Chenoweth
Larry Dallas: James Spader

and
Ralph Furley: Paul Giamatti

Who’s in your Dream Cast (or Dreading Cast)?

Come and knock on our door:



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