MacGruber (review)

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Letter from a Sexually Stunted Frat Boy


(for sexually stunted frat boys)

(for everyone else)

Dont believe the haterz man! MacGruber is freakin awesome! Its funny cuz MacGruber is like totally incompent and stoopid and hes a cheap bastid and so scaredy catty he makes a chick do all the dangerous stuff. Oh man and he totally blows shit up thats not supposed to blow up but even that is awesome and theres lots of blood and goop and shit. And the bad guy whos all Val Kissler or whatever the hell his name is is like MacGruber you are a fucking retard who blows up his own dudes* and I was like Oh snap Cunth!

Oh yeah thats the bad guys name Cunth! That is so freakin awesome I cant even tell you how freakin awesome it is. If theres one bad thing about MacGruber its that nobody gets to say Cunth enough. I would totally be like CUNTH you are goin down and CUNTH you suck and How are we gonna stop CUNTH cuz CUNTH wants to destroy the world so only CUNTH gets to do stuff from now on. They all should totally be saying CUNTH more. But MacGruber does get to say a few times that hes gonna Pound some Cunth which is awesome cuz who doesnt like to pound some cunth every once an awhile know wut I mean man?
In case you didnt get it Cunth sounds like cunt which is a disgusting bitchpart that grosses me out so why do I want one so much? Thats freakin scary know wut Im sayin dude? So MacGruber the movie is like deep that way too.

Oh man and then in another bit the Ryan Filip soldier dude tells MacGruber his face looks like a vagina and thats totally awesome, because no dude wants his face to look like a disgusting vagina! I wuz like Oh snap Ryan Filip! Stupid vaginas.

So MacGruber has to like stop Cunth from nuking Washington or some shit and so he gets together his gang of total badasses except one of the big scary badass dudes totally gay kisses his gay homo boyfriend and MacGruber is all like No freakin way man! And its funny cuz nobody likes a faggity homo no matter how tough he is and so Mac crosses him off the list of the badass team hes collecting which is freakin awesome. Stupid homos.

And then its get even better because MacGruber is like a total fag too only not really. Hes all like I will suck your dick I will let you fuck me* when he needs something from the Ryan Filip soldier dude or that other old general soldier dude whos like in charge of the Pentagon or whatever. And Mac totally shoves celery up his butt in one bit which is totally gross but I might have to try that but it dont make me no fag haterz!

But hes not really a fag so its okay like when later he totally bangs that Kristin Wig character and it so freakin hilarious cuz hes like awful in the sack even tho his govinment file says Great Lover. So I dont get that shit when chicks tell me Im terrible when Im fuckin cuz I aint like MacGruber. Stupid bitches.

Oh man and the grossest part is when we get to see some fat old broads tit. I thought I was gonna puke I busted a gut laughin too cuz it was so damm funny!

Oh and Macs govinment file is all like he wuz a Navy Seal and an Army Ranger and Special Forces and hes won all these medals and shit and hes like a friggin Jedi or somethin. Which is funny cuz hes only does shit like blowin up his own dudes and he likes 80s soft rock and hes totally not a badass at all espeshly with that stoopid hair. Thats like a Contrast or something which is why its funny.

Saturday Nite Live movies rock dudez!

*actual quote from the film

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JoshDM
JoshDM
Fri, May 21, 2010 3:12pm

Quick! Destroy the generation gap and re-establish relevance by replacing every instance of “dude” in your review with the more appropriate term “bro”.

This has been your suggestion of the day.

mike
mike
Fri, May 21, 2010 3:43pm

Well then…that was a stupid review. It’s rather ironic that in trying to stereotype simple-minded frat kids, you leveraged such an amateurish and ham-fisted brand of sarcasm that you come off as something even more childish and critically trivial than that which you mock. This reads like a posting on some 8th grade emo-kid’s blog.

Pro tip: leave the comedy to the comedians. You’ll run less risk of coming off like a pseudo-intellectual bitter old harpy.

And you’re welcome. But text tip will cost ya.

One last thing: at some point you might realize that you’re part of the reason movies like this are funny. Hopefully that will never happen…the world needs such humor.

Tom
Tom
Fri, May 21, 2010 3:51pm

Based on the comedic capabilities of this reviewer I can see why she wouldn’t like it.

Farrah Munoz
Farrah Munoz
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:01pm

“than that which you mock”

oh, brother!

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:06pm

bitter old harpy

And it took less than an hour.

Kate
Kate
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:11pm

I got severe college flashbacks after reading this review. Frat boys are tragic examples of humanity. Or at least contemporary American youth culture.

You pseudo-intellectual bitter old harpy, you. Probably a biast lesbian too.

Neima
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:17pm

I’m going to have to disagree with Mike and say that that review is awesomely creatively sarcastic, but I will say also that just because someone wants to see these type of slapstick comedies often referred to as “stupid comedies”, does not mean that that person is dumb or immature. The Jackass movies(only saw jackass 2) were full of stupid things, but they were funny(it was too gross though… I wouldn’t watch it again). Strange example, I know, my point is that stupid is funny and seeing a movie full of people who act ultra stupid or juvenile, isn’t going to dumb down one’s intelligence, although overexposure may

Shadowen
Shadowen
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:18pm

I’m not gonna see it, and I’m probably not gonna after this, but I would point out that, no matter how much we talk about inner beauty and no matter how much we can talk about the beauty of the human form and so on, people should not have faces that look like a vagina? I mean, it’s not very original, but it is at least an insult.

Orangutan
Orangutan
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:21pm

I’m quite frankly surprised that neither of the fanboys there employed the old ‘shut off your brain and enjoy’ tactic. I thought that was standard issue.

Matt
Matt
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:23pm

Wow, I usually don’t write comments but this is the worst review that I have ever read. I really hope that this idiotic reviewer isn’t getting paid because her employers are wasting a ton of money. I will now see this movie just to spite her…

Harvey Karten
Harvey Karten
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:35pm

That’s pretty creative shit, Mary Ann! Good one.

JT
JT
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:35pm

Hey, MaryAnn?

You’re pretty awesome.

Just thought you should know.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 4:52pm

people should not have faces that look like a vagina? I mean, it’s not very original, but it is at least an insult.

So, would it be an insult to say to someone, [was You’re] Your face looks like an ice cream sundae? People should not have faces that look like ice cream sundaes, either.

I will now see this movie just to spite her…

I’m acutally going to send that to the publicist along with my review. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to hear that people are seeing the movie based upon my review.

Matt
Matt
Fri, May 21, 2010 5:09pm

Wow, I can just imagine the author high-fiving herself for coming up with such scathing sarcasm. As a 20 something male, I’m going to have to share that this life altering piece of prose was easy to dismiss because I think she failed to accurately represent any person that has ever existed, ever.

DickRichards
DickRichards
Fri, May 21, 2010 5:21pm

It’s funny that this reviewer doesn’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re.’ Way to go, dunce. What are you looking for out of this movie, life lessons, and a deep, insightful narrative?

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 5:28pm

This is gonna be far, far more entertaining than the movie. I’m gonna go make some popcorn…

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 5:29pm

Oh, and thanks, Dick, for pointing out the typo in my comment. I’ll fix it…

Neima
Fri, May 21, 2010 5:40pm

Why are you people ripping on her so bad? This is ridiculously childish, she’s allowed to have and opinion – and so are we, say your two cents in a logical, persuasive, and kind manner and then back off…. Having opinions and articulating them is her job, no need to get flustered over movie opinions, haha….

Greg
Greg
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:01pm

To reiterate what Mike said, for someone so dead set on panning anything and everything that could possibly be considered low-brow, unintelligent comedy, its pretty ironic that you wrote a “review” that was essentially a series of unoriginal jokes about how much smarter you are than frat boys. I get it, they spell it “wuz” instead of “was” because they’re stupid. Nice one.

Maybe it makes sense though. One is allowed to participate in cheap stereotype jokes so long as they’re a dignified movie-reviewer with a totally unpretentious blog (seriously, you seem very humble!). Its when those hacky movie-makers do it that its so furstrating!

You should probably just stop reviewing movies like this. Everyone knows your opinion about them, and if you’re going to take the review as an opportunity to make lazy jokes about people 20 years younger than you being less intelligent than you without actually, you know, reviewing the movie in any meaningful capacity, there’s probably no point writing it. But I don’t know, maybe its just that being a “frat boy” and all, I am too sexually stunted, love to word c*** too much, and am too busy hating gay people to even think clearly.

Al G
Al G
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:04pm

This article suggests that in order to like a film like this I’d have to be an idiot frat boy. Id like you to know that my favorite films are made by those that go by the name of Lumet, Scorsesse, and Leone. Yet I still find the time to enjoy a dumb comedy.

Lighten up lady.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:05pm

Greg and Mike, why don’t you explain what you find funny about this movie? I’d really love to know. Because there’s really not much there other than homophobia and shit jokes. So if that’s not what you’re finding funny, what is?

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:06pm

This article suggests that in order to like a film like this I’d have to be an idiot frat boy.

Nothing gets past some people. You caught on, did you?

Neima
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:11pm

How flipping funny with that be if RDA(Richard Dean Anderson(MacGyver)) likes it?

Ray
Ray
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:28pm

And here I thought a movie reviewers job was to, ya know, review movies so that the viewing public can make a more informed decision as to whether they want to spend their hard earned money on a ten dollar ticket and twenty dollars worth of snacks.

I guess I was wrong. Is it now a movie reviewers job to offer social commentary that is wildly off the mark first of all, and totally unwarranted?

I haven’t seen the movie, but the skits on SNL are very funny (I was raised on MacGyver), and if the movie has poop jokes and gay humour so what?

In fact, this review and the reviewers attitude towards “low brow” humour (which is very funny in its own right) reminds me of the scene in Not Another Teen Movie where the English professor is going on and on about the decay of society and how true humour is a clever turn of phrase, all the while the buildup of comedic tension with the farting girl and the three boys in the air duct.

The Internet will shit all over you, and for good reason. There are many types of humour, all of which are just as valid as the next, with the only determining factor being whether the audience laughs and is amused.

And besides, your review was so crudely constructed and is so far out of touch with actual street lingo that you just look even more foolish and elitist than you would have had you just posted a review saying why you didn’t like the movie. As has been said, leave the comedy to the comedians, and save your jokes with fumbled punchlines for uncomfortable family gatherings as awkward icebreakers.

Joe
Joe
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:29pm

Something tells me this review was written solely for publicity. Juvenile humor has its place in cinema. Now, I haven’t seen MacGruber, but I plan to, simply because it’s been a while since I’ve seen a comedy and I like most of the players in this film (Will Forte, Val Kilmer, Kristen Wiig, and Jorma Taccone). But to simply write it off as fratboy fare makes you seem outdated, MaryAnn. I roomed with a fratboy this past year at college. Maybe it’s because I’m in the Northeast, but they seemed a little bit more sophisticated than that.

Granted, they still laughed at terrible movies and every time a woman came on television they’d say “oh damn she is so sexy I’d like to fuck her brains out,” but they could still spell correctly.

It’s a common thought that fratboys are idiots because they, well, are idiots. The lack of schoolwork and overflow of drinking they do instead is why they have such low GPAs.

I mean, I respect your opinion, but a lot of the comedy is supposed to be derived from MacGruber just being an all-out terrible person, not just gross-out stuff. I mean, really, did you even see Bruno? I’m sure this looks like The Lion King next to that.

kathleen
kathleen
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:37pm

I love that these overly defensive boys are completely missing the point of the review. Sigh. Methinks they protest too much.
Dude. That was one hawt mother effer review. KnowatImsayin.

Bayers
Bayers
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:43pm

lol, great review.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:50pm

Ah, I see my error now. It’s okay to be a juvenile idiot who is terrified of women and gays and never got over potty training if one can spell properly.

My bad.

Paul
Fri, May 21, 2010 6:52pm

Sometimes MA’s reviews tempt me to watch a movie so I can join in the snark.

As for the “street language,” since MA and I are about the same age, I didn’t notice any lapses. I suppose there would have to be some, since slang English comes and goes much faster than formal language, which is why professional novelists keep telling me at workshops to be wary of using it. Nothing dates a writer faster than slang and politics. (But I still laughed)

Henry
Henry
Fri, May 21, 2010 7:57pm

Full disclosure: I periodically read MaryAnn’s Crossroads review, just for fun.

I liked this one too.

Really? The villain’s name is Cunth? Really?

Alex
Alex
Fri, May 21, 2010 8:12pm

Why are you people ripping on her so bad?

Because she could’ve just wrote “I thought this movie was dumb and juvenile” instead of a 10 paragraphs of tripe that said more about the writer’s opinion of “sexually stunted frat boys” than the movie.

Julie
Julie
Fri, May 21, 2010 8:14pm

What I love so much about all this is that the MacGruber review has such an astonishingly high number of comments. Really? You’re “defending” MacGruber? I’m also surprised that people are surprised by this review. I, frankly, had written this movie off a long time ago. Someone said the skits on SNL are “very funny” which proves that comedy is subjective. Personally I find the skits irritating at best, and not just because I also grew up on MacGyver (my family dog was named for him) but they are predictable and idiotic.

Selling tickets at a comedy club I am often asked “Is the comic funny?” Well, gee, I guess that depends on what you find funny now, doesn’t it? Me, I like Monty Python, non sequiturs and dead baby jokes. Some people like Benny Hill, fart jokes and women getting stuff spilled on them. Some people probably like all of it to some degree, at some times.

If you didn’t find the review funny, you have that right. Just as MaryAnn didn’t find the movie funny. So how about we find something more interesting to waste our time on, k?

Mike
Mike
Fri, May 21, 2010 8:16pm

You are officially the douche of the week.

Tony
Tony
Fri, May 21, 2010 9:03pm

Oh no!!! It’s official MaryAnn. No take-backs.

Max
Max
Fri, May 21, 2010 9:04pm

Dear Mary Ann,

You are neither relevant or funny. Enjoy your’96 Saab and staying in on Saturday nights.

Level.

Orangutan
Orangutan
Fri, May 21, 2010 9:20pm

Oh wow, this is gonna be good. Can I share the popcorn, MAJ?

Might as well chime in here with my own opinions. Haven’t seen the movie, won’t be because SNL hasn’t produced anything worthwhile or even mildly amusing since the 80s (and even that’s questionable). Thought the review was brill, not quite top 10 material, but just about equal to the satire of the Twilight reviews.

Oh, and Airplane! is the pinnacle of Hollywood comedy. None shall ever surpass it.

Neima said: Why are you people ripping on her so bad? This is ridiculously childish, she’s allowed to have and opinion – and so are we, say your two cents in a logical, persuasive, and kind manner and then back off…. Having opinions and articulating them is her job, no need to get flustered over movie opinions, haha….

But you see, her opinion does not match theirs. Therefore, she should not be allowed to express it. You see this phenomenon a lot with Twitards, and occasionally horror hardcore fans.

Also: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/

My own theory? People internalize their likes and dislikes so much now that any different opinion becomes a personal attack on them. So they defend themselves/the movie.

Just a theory, I admit it’s been a while since I studied human psychology.

nick
nick
Fri, May 21, 2010 10:12pm

i will respect this review if you come out against the gender and homophobic stereotypes in the next sex in the city movie.

Nate
Nate
Fri, May 21, 2010 10:40pm

i will respect this review if you come out against the gender and homophobic stereotypes in the next sex in the city movie.

I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that

Drave
Drave
Fri, May 21, 2010 10:57pm

I can’t decide which is making me laugh harder; the reviews, or the comments! Why do unarmed people so frequently “challenge” you to a battle of wits?

steve
steve
Fri, May 21, 2010 11:00pm

I like the comment someone made about “if you don’t like it just say so”. This really is a poor review because it really isn’t a review. It’s sort of a snarky slap at someone who you think doesn’t deserve something they are getting from other people.
I personally thought he movie was funny, and not for most of the reasons you outline here. Clearly you have an issue with the female body parts being used as running gags – so just say so. That’s a perfectly legitimate take, but your own sophomoric attempt of coming at the review as if you know the kind of person who will find this entertaining does come off as fairly bitter. I don’t know how you usually review films but step away from this sort of attempt at sarcasm-it doesn’t work for you.
I was at a screening with a very mixed age, gender and age audience and they roundly laughed..and laughed hard. Sure some of it is working way too hard for the laugh, but it still worked for the most part. Will Forte is willing to do anything to get the laugh, and he does. But it is framed in a pretty decent plot with almost everyone else playing deadly serious to Forte’s idiot- and that combination scores repeatedly. I can laugh at highbrow and lowbrow comedy if it’s funny – and this was funny. Clearly it wasn’t up your alley, and that was really all you had to say.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 11:17pm

Clearly you have an issue with the female body parts being used as running gags – so just say so.

I believe I did say so. Perhaps you could explain why you find female body parts funny.

I don’t know how you usually review films

There are 13 years worth of reviews at this site. It’s not a secret how I usually review films.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, May 21, 2010 11:28pm

Enjoy your’96 Saab and staying in on Saturday nights.

The wit. I am slain by people who insult other people based on the kind of car they drive.

Max, I’m so gonna rock your world here: I don’t own a car. There are people who get by in the world — in the Western world, no less — without benefit of a metal-and-plastic penis extender. You should try it.

This is all definitely way more entertaining than the movie itself.

Tyler Foster
Fri, May 21, 2010 11:32pm

I always read your reviews to try and get a different perspective, but I think maybe your “homophobia” meter is set too high. There were jokes about man-on-man dick-sucking in the movie, yeah, and they may have been immature, but I don’t think they were in any way predicated on the fact that gay or homosexual sex was bad. In fact, you could argue that since MacGruber’s first gambit after anyone ever tries to fire him is to offer to suck their dick, that he’s the opposite of homophobic.

I thought Val Kilmer was pretty funny in the movie.

Tyler Foster
Fri, May 21, 2010 11:36pm

ETA: Technically, there is the gag where MacGruber doesn’t allow the gay guy to join his team, but I’ll let that one slide because the idea is that the dude is no longer a ferocious killer (MacGruber invites them to his wedding at the end of the movie, so clearly they’re still buddies).

You could say that supports some stereotype, but I think it’d be a stretch to say that was the point of the joke.

Don’t stoop to a car joke, MaryAnn! That’s exactly what you’re accusing him of! And I think the whole idea of cars to cover up insecurities doesn’t hold much water. I drive a car because places I need to get to are far away.

Tony
Tony
Fri, May 21, 2010 11:43pm

Clearly it wasn’t up your alley, and that was really all you had to say.

Really? I wouldn’t continue reading reviews by a critic whose only comments on movies she didn’t like were “it wasn’t up my alley”. I don’t think anyone would. Part of the fun with reading reviews from critics, I hate to admit it, is their humorous take on “bad” movies. In fact, the reason I started reading MJ’s blog in the first place was because of her review of Battlefield Earth, in my opinion one of the funniest reviews I’ve ever read.

Garrett
Garrett
Sat, May 22, 2010 12:27am

This review blows, but it was partly humorous.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Sat, May 22, 2010 12:38am

Technically, there is the gag where MacGruber doesn’t allow the gay guy to join his team, but I’ll let that one slide because the idea is that the dude is no longer a ferocious killer

How is that the idea? From where does that idea come from? The *only* thing that differentiates the guy MacGruber crosses off his list from the ones he doesn’t is that the guy kisses another guy.

In fact, you could argue that since MacGruber’s first gambit after anyone ever tries to fire him is to offer to suck their dick, that he’s the opposite of homophobic.

The “joke” is that MacGruber is somehow less of a hero because he is willing to suck another guy’s dick. You honestly don’t see that? The audience is meant to laugh at MacGruber because he “unmans” himself. There’s no other purpose to such a “joke.” How do you see it?

Don’t stoop to a car joke, MaryAnn! That’s exactly what you’re accusing him of!

Not accusing: it’s quite clear that Max thinks he’s insulting me somehow by suggesting that I drive a Saab. What does that even mean?

And I think the whole idea of cars to cover up insecurities doesn’t hold much water.

Max thinks it does.

Tyler Foster
Sat, May 22, 2010 1:04am

[quote]How is that the idea? From where does that idea come from? The *only* thing that differentiates the guy MacGruber crosses off his list from the ones he doesn’t is that the guy kisses another guy.[/quote]I guess, but MacGruber seems perfectly accepting of the fact that they’re a gay couple, and they’re having a ball in his wedding photos at the end. I wouldn’t call the joke anti-gay.[quote]The “joke” is that MacGruber is somehow less of a hero because he is willing to suck another guy’s dick. You honestly don’t see that? The audience is meant to laugh at MacGruber because he “unmans” himself. There’s no other purpose to such a “joke.” How do you see it?[/quote]For me, it’s more of a shock value/absurdist joke. Of every bribe in the world, it’s funny to me that not only is MacGruber convinced such an offer is going to work on either Dixon Piper or his former mentor, but that he chooses to open with it rather than attempting any other negotiation tactics. His visible commitment to the idea is also funny to me, as is the fact that there really isn’t any logical connection to conceding to sex and staying on the mission (which he didn’t want to take in the first place). I get the impression that MacGruber, in any situation where something important was being taken from him, would use that same tactic on anyone (man, woman, friend, foe) in the whole wide world, because it’s the only thing he thinks will work.

A.M.
A.M.
Sat, May 22, 2010 2:12am

My one complaint with this satirical review is that your “character” flip flops between frat-boy speak, leet speak, and something a 14 year old girl might say. (“stoopid”…not in dude vernacular, fyi)

I’ve spent more time than I probably should have around “frat boys.” None of them spoke this way. Not even the overtly and shockingly misogynistic “probably a date rapist” ones.

So since there’s not a lot of consistency or authenticity to the satire it comes across as muddled, hostile, and a little out of touch.

But you did get some internerd so worked up that he actually used “Pro Tip:” in a non-ironic manner, so kudos to you, madam.

I grant you 15 Troll points, spend them wisely.

wow
wow
Sat, May 22, 2010 2:15am

Mary-ann and her menstruating friends think they’re witty and wry. They think that this movie is directed at homophobes and gorillas. Sorry mom, but you’re part the of the joke. It’s called anti-humor,and I’m actually comforted by the fact that you haven’t caught on yet. I appreciate the hilarious review, now go drive your PT cruiser and enjoy watching cougar town with your “friends.” I’m not defending Macgruber, I’m defending my generation. Sorry but you’re not in-touch, your humor will never be funny to any male or female under the age of 25, and I would certainly not be surprised if a majority of the nation’s frat boys happen to have a higher IQ than you. Enjoy being a pretentious bitch and go ride a frat boy’s cadillac escalade-enhanced penis. (thats funny right? Insecurity jokes?!!! LOOK JIMMY, I POKED YOU ON FACEBOOK! LOL!!!!)