Disney has a line of bridal crap. Someone please pinch me, because I must be dreaming. Every girl may spend her entire life fantasizing about her wedding day, but I’ve spend my entire life fantasizing about my cartoon wedding day. That will limit my choice of groom to, like Buzz Lightyear and the Iron Giant, but hey: a girl should make sure to follow her dreams, right?
And so what if that dream is a sad, sad example of letting a globocorp dictate what your wedding looks like? Instead of a wedding that’s all about you and your personality, you can instead choose from “a line that captures the unique spirit and beauty of each Disney Princess.” No one really cares about your unique spirit and beauty anyway.
AOL Shopping very helpfully offers a guide to deciding which Disney princess you are, in case you’re so weak-willed that you’re unable to decide whether you identify with a cartoon character or not:
You know what, though? If a gal is a “non-conforming free-thinker” like Belle, she’s probably not going to deck herself out is an overpriced Halloween costume for her wedding. Hell, she might not even get married at all.
I look forward to Disney’s line of wedding wear for men. Who wouldn’t want a groom who dressed like John Smith? Nothing says “festive nuptials” like 17th-century European colonial imperialism!