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maryann johanson | #BlackLivesMatter

retro ad: 1970s Battleship commercial

Would you believe it if I told you that this commercial and its “You sank my battleship!” tagline was the “Where’s the beef?” and the “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” of its day? It’s true. That’s why Hollywood is making that big new Battleship movie coming soon. Liam Neeson plays the guy who says, “You sank my battleship!” And you’ve heard the rumors, of course, about how it was going to be Kate Winslet playing The Embarrassed Lady, but then she dropped out so then it was Rachel McAdams, and then it was Charlize Theron, and then it was Reese Witherspoon, and now it’s that one underwear model. All true.

Somehow I doubt, however, that Hollywood will manage to capture the “strategy, action, and suspense” of the game. You know what they say: The movie is never as good as the suitable-for-ages-8-to-12 board game it’s based on.

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