there’s no way Almodóvar can land this plane (I’m So Excited! review)

I’m So Excited red light Javier Camara, Raul Arevalo Carlos Areces

I’m “biast” (pro): nothing

I’m “biast” (con): not a fan of Almodóvar; the trailer looked asinine

(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)

So it appears that in actual reality, an actual filmmaker — Pedro Almodóvar, perhaps no surprise — made a movie about people on an airplane who think they’re about to die who deal with this horror by spilling all their secrets and raping one another and engaging in campy gay musical numbers.

It’s a comedy, of course.

I’m not exaggerating. At all. This is what really happens in I’m So Excited! This flight from Spain to Mexico City has some sort of trouble with its landing gear and so they’re flying around for hours because commercial airliners in distress are never a cause for everyone on the ground to give them immediate high priority for an emergency landing slot with fleets of fire trucks and foam on the runway, etc., thus leaving plenty of time for blow jobs all around and much imbibing of alcohol. It’s like these people haven’t even seen Flight.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Apparently it’s all in fact perfectly cool and funny because Almodóvar (The Skin I Live In, Volver) opens the film by reminding those of us who cannot distinguish fiction and fantasy from reality that I’m So Excited! is “fiction” and “fantasy.” Because that makes it all okay for people to take sexual advantage of one another for no reason other than, omagosh, lookit the people getting all sexed up while they’re unconscious! Hilarious! Feel free to laugh at the cute rape scenes because they’re all actors and jeez, just chill out, can’t you take a joke?

Oh, I forgot: it’s only the business-class people who are raping, because everyone in Economy has been drugged by the flight attendants, because pesky poor people are a whole bunch of no fun in life-and-death situations. They might regret their lives or engage in seriously bumming behavior instead of getting their freak on and revealing nasty naughty secrets that we can be entertained by. Stupid proles.

Cue the, like, five-minute interlude in which the three flaming male flight attendants lip-synch and sashay through the entirety of the Pointer Sisters’ tune “I’m So Excited.” This excruciating flick is just barely 90 minutes, which means this consumes a full four percent of the runtime. To no purpose except: Teh Gays, they’re so funny!

The things that qualify as “awesome” in the world of Pedro Almodóvar boggle my mind.

If you’re tempted to post a comment that resembles anything on the film review comment bingo card, please reconsider.
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