Washington and Pattinson have palpable charisma, but this cold puzzle offers no incentive to solve it. Throw in damsel-in-distress crap, and both my geek sensibilities and my feminism are offended.
And the winners are…
A disaster of a kids’ fantasy caper; feels like it’s making up the plot as it goes. A mishmash of manufactured wonder: characters barely sketched, action seemingly setting up future DisneyWorld rides.
Doubly dated, lacking in humor and subtext, its impressive cast deliberately underutilized, this is little more than an exercise in gorgeous production design.
Primal and exhilarating, full of dread and tension. Drops us right into the chaos of war to tell an intimate story about fear and intensity of purpose.
A wonderfully silly sendup of fandom and nostalgia… and an absolutely hilarious smackdown of actorly pomposity and delusions of celebrity grandeur.
A product of the Disney princess machine. Its highest ambition is to move a new line of toys. Or to evoke despair in the fairy-tale-ization of girls’ lives.
Why reboot remains a question, but this is a smart popcorn thriller with a surprisingly sensitive performance by Chris Pine, and a wonderfully badass one by Kevin Costner.
Think heavy-metal Lord of the Rings. With wormholes. It’s completely mad and kind of awesome.
If they really wanted to do something different, here’s an idea: Jacqueline Ryan.