my week at the movies: ‘The Spy Next Door,’ ‘Leap Year,’ ‘Daybreakers’

UPDATE: Looks like Daybreakers will screen after all. I’ll see it tonight.

Pity me. It’s January, and I have to go to the movies. The Spy Next Door (opens in the U.S. and Canada on January 15; no U.K. release date has been announced yet) is from director Brian Levant, who is to cinema what Pol Pot is to human rights — he is responsible for such atrocities as Snow Dogs and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. And how sad is it going to be to see Jackie Chan refusing to grow old gracefully? Obviously, he can’t do the kung fu anymore, so he’s reduced to romancing a woman (Amber Valletta) young enough to be his daughter and babysitting her kids in the hopes of getting into her pants. It’s as if someone figured Are We There Yet? — also from Levant — wasn’t crass enough. Also: Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez in the same movie? Is that even legal?

Just the trailer alone for Leap Year (opens in the U.S. and Canada on January 8, and in the U.K. on February 26) makes me want to curl up into a fetal ball and cry for my mommy. I dread to see what the film itself will do to me.

Looks like Daybreakers (opens in the U.K. on January 6, and the U.S. and Canada on January 8) won’t screen for critics — at least, I’ve heard nothing yet about screenings, and time is running out. Unless something crops up before Friday, I’ll catch it on opening day, just because I like the Spierig Brothers.

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