U.S. AND CANADA/OPENING WIDE
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: It’s tanking in the U.K., and now it gets a shot at tanking in North America. [trailer] review to come
If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:
• Big Trouble in Little China (1986): In which Kurt Russell goes up against an ancient sorcerer without benefit of being able to Save Game.
• The Mummy (1999): Lots of adventurous shifting sands in this one, too.
• Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001): An excellent example of why videogame movies are so boring while simultaneously being so loud.
• Jarhead (2005): More buff Gyllenhaal as a modern-day warrior. No magical artifacts, though — sorry.
Sex and the City 2: Shoes, clothes, shopping, and general decadence. [trailer]
If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:
• some of Sex and the City (1998-2004): Apparently the TV series is much smarter and much wiser than the movies, though that’s hard to imagine.
• 27 Dresses (2008): For yet another array of female idiocy celebrated as feminine ideals.
• The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005): It’s like Sex and the City Babies, about four BFFs and their incipient romantic adventures.
• The Family Stone (2005): For Sarah Jessica Parker as a much more likable spoiled-rotten Manhattanite who has to learn to cope with her fiancé’s family.
U.S. AND CANADA/OPENING LIMITED
Micmacs: Another jape from the director of Amelie. review to come
George A. Romero’s Survival of the Dead: When he promised us undead, he really wasn’t kidding — this franchise shows no sign of ending. Ever. review to come
U.K.
Sex and the City 2: See above.
The Losers: Like a lost 80s action comedy TV series fallen through a wormhole, and I mean in the best possible way.
If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:
• some of MacGyver (1985-1992): The Losers makes explicit reference to Richard Dean Anderson’s classic 80s one-man covert ops team.
• G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009): For more explosions and more preposterousness, if less sense and less charm.
• Narc (2002): For another side of Jason Patric (he’s the scene-stealing bad guy in The Losers); here he’s a conflicted cop.
• Very Bad Things (1998): For even blacker black comedy from screenwriter Peter Berg, about a bachelor party in Vegas that goes sour.
Tooth Fairy: Dwayne Johnson as the titular entity, and it’s about as much run as root canal.
If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:
• Darkness Falls (2003): A slasher horror movie about the Tooth Fairy, which is, ironically, funnier than Tooth Fairy, which is intended as a comedy and is simply horrific.
• Connie and Carla (2004): For more of the nightmares that director Michael Lembeck can inflict; this misfire of a gender-bending comedy is about two idiots (Nia Vardalos and Toni Collette) who hide out from mobsters, by pretending to be male drag queens. (It’s even worse than it sounds.)
• The Game Plan (2007): For more of Dwayne Johnson humiliating himself, as a football player saddled with a frilly pink surprise daughter.
• Jack Frost (1998): Perhaps the most unintentionally horrifying example ever of human possession of a fantastical creature: the ghost of Michael Keaton inhabits a snowman. The creepiness factor is off the scale.
[REC] 2: The sequel to the inventive Spanish zombie horror flick. review to come
No Impact Man: Ironically revealing documentary about a well-off New Yorker who tries to dramatically reduce his footprint on the environment.
Where to buy/watch:
Big Trouble in Little China [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Connie and Carla [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Darkness Falls [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Family Stone [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Game Plan [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Jack Frost [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Jarhead [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
MacGyver: Season One [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Mummy [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Narc [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Sex and the City: The Complete First Season [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
27 Dresses [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Very Bad Things [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
