wtf: ‘Hunchback of Notre Dame’ done up funny

Just when you think the shamelessness and the senselessness of Hollywood can’t possibly get any shamelesser or senselesser, Variety is there to correct this misapprehension:

Paramount has snagged an untitled action/comedy pitch from the scripting team of Will Block and Jake Emanuel for Lorenzo Di Bonaventura to produce.

Story is based on the framework from Victor Hugo’s original “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” Hugo’s novel, published in 1831, is set in the 15th century and centers on the tragic romance between Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, and the gypsy woman Esmeralda.

Surely this will pave the way for all the other long-awaited action-comedy adaptations from literature, including The Count of Monte Cristo starring Will Farrell and Adam Sandler, Medea starring Tina Fey, The Confessions of Saint Augustine starring Steve Carell, Hamlet starring Russell Brand (with Bruce Willis as Claudius), The Great Gatsby starring Ashton Kutcher and Mark Wahlberg, and Michael Bay’s hil-air explosion-packed adaptation of Camus’s The Stranger.

share and enjoy
             
subscribe
notify of
8 Comments
oldest
newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
view all comments
CB
CB
Wed, Jul 14, 2010 5:58pm

Can we get Orlando as a wise-cracking sword-fighting swashbuckler (as both man and woman)? With an immortal talking dog sidekick?

Bzero
Wed, Jul 14, 2010 6:20pm

I have to admit… I would watch Tina Fey as Medea

Chris
Chris
Wed, Jul 14, 2010 7:54pm

Tyler Perry’s Medea

Dokeo
Dokeo
Wed, Jul 14, 2010 9:17pm

Didn’t Disney already break the Hunchback/Comedy barrier a long time ago?

MaSch
MaSch
Thu, Jul 15, 2010 2:37am

centers on the tragic romance between Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, and the gypsy woman Esmeralda.

No, it doesn’t. In fact, it does *so* not, it ain’t even funny anymore.

Oh, and my pitch: The Sound and the Funny , based on Faulkner.

PaulW
PaulW
Thu, Jul 15, 2010 8:27am

Proust’s In Search of Lost Time directed by Judd Apatow and starring Michael Cera, Bill Murray, Beyonce and Kiefer Sutherland as Sigmund Freud.

RogerBW
RogerBW
Thu, Jul 15, 2010 9:29am

Jack Slater’s Hamlet, of course.

And, of course…

“Long ago, three friends made a promise.”

(Soft-focus yellow-lit CU on three joined hands, shaking.)

“Today, one man is going to keep it.”

(Ext. city street. Two men sit at a bus stop. Ground starts to shake.)

“No matter what gets in his way.”

(GIANT ROBOT bursts out of nearby skyscraper, trades gunshots and missiles with entire US Air Force.)

BLACK. Then text:

Waiting
for
Godot

from Roland Emmerich

MaSch
MaSch
Fri, Jul 16, 2010 10:50am

@Roger: I’m not prone to wildly screaming around in the internet, but …

YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS