This Means War (trailer)

Oh my McG. Did you really go here? Anonymous hot babes

This Means War

make Chris Pine go so slackjawed

This Means War Chris Pine Tom Hardy

that his gun goes off

This Means War

resulting in a double explosion:

This Means War

Yeah, McG went there.

When I first heard the grand overview of this film — two superspies fighting over a woman — I thought, for some bizarre hopelessly naive reason, that the woman was a superspy, too, and hoped that perhaps this might finally be one of the imitators of the wonderful Mr. & Mrs. Smith, seven years after it made a ton of money and should, theoretically, have spawned a slew of copycats.

But that was before I learned this was from McG, who looks at Michael Bay’s movies and likes what he sees, only he wishes they weren’t so full of meaning and depth, and weren’t so damned feminist.

So: Reese Witherspoon is just the prize for one of the guys to win. Worse, she’s “a little bitch” who is “going to hell” for dating two guys at once.

D’ya think Chris Pine and Tom Hardy’s James Bond-a-likes feel the same way about about bedding two women together at the same time, never mind dating two women separately at the same time?

I’m guessing not.

In case there was any doubt that This Mean Wars means a war on women, not a war for a woman, the movie will invite you to consider 37-year-old Chelsea Handler:

This Means War

an “old man.”

(Witherspoon is only a year younger, so her shelf life with either of these guys is gonna be real short. I hope she realizes that.)

Gonna go barf now…

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