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rare female film critic | by maryann johanson

how in the name of all that is decent can we fix the Grumpy Cat movie?

Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat the Movie is coming, and it’s going to be horrible, and you can’t stop it. From the Los Angeles Times:

Broken Road Productions, the company behind the Kevin James vehicle “Paul Blart Mall Cop” and the Adam Sandler movie “Jack and Jill,” has optioned the rights to make a film based on Grumpy Cat’s persona.

Grumpy Cat will speak in the film, a la the 2004 live action Garfield movie.

For those of you playing along at home, Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Jack and Jill are two of the very worst movies ever made. They’re certainly two of the least funny comedies in the history of cinema.

Go on and have a good cry. I’ll wait.

Feel any better? No? So let’s fix this sucker.

How in the name of all that is decent can we fix the Grumpy Cat movie?

I see something meta. We open on Grumpy Cat shooting that inevitably terrible movie by the people who thought Jack and Jill was a good idea when she wakes from the celebrity coma she’s been slumbering in these past years to discover that she now has a superpowered withering glare of disdain, and she actually levels the set before stalking off to take on Hollywood bullshit wherever she finds it. Who will survive her rampage of contempt and scorn? Featuring cameos by Michael Bay, Brett Ratner, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Channing Tatum, and many other people famous for no good reason.

Your turn. Have fun!

Image via Vanity Fair.)

(If you have a suggestion for a Question, feel free to email me.)


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