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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

things I learned from this summer’s movies

terminatormattsmith

One of the alternative weekly newspapers that runs some of my reviews is Salt Lake City Weekly, and for a piece there this end-of-summer holiday weekend, I contributed a few bon mots about stuff I learned from this summer’s movies. Click over to City Weekly to see which of my contributions made the cut. Here the ones that didn’t:

• Doctor Who really does not like it when amateurs play around with time travel. (Terminator Genisys) [This one might be too obscure: you have to know that Matt Smith, aka the Eleventh Doctor, plays the human-looking Skynet thing.]

• Never to trust your raw musical talent and lack of corporate guile to Paul Giamatti. (Straight Outta Compton and Love & Mercy) [This one didn’t get used because SLCW editor Scott Renshaw beat me to it, as you can see.]

• One kid with a bow and a few arrows is an even match for a band of highly trained mercenaries. (Big Game)

• Career ladies need to learn how to mommy and be happy when men who harass them are mistaken for their boyfriends. (Jurassic World)

• A man who does not brush his teeth every day will have no trouble snagging a hottie who worships him. (Pixels)

• There are day-of tickets available to walk up and purchase at New York Comic-Con. (Ted 2)

• Major dinosaur theme parks are happy to let unaccompanied minors drive themselves around in all-glass vehicles through wide-open ranges where dangerous carnivorous animals roam. (Jurassic World)

What important life lessons did you learn from this summer’s movies?


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