Quantcast
subscriber help

artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

Transformers: Age of Extinction movie review: Everyday Bayism

Transformers Age of Extinction red light

Rearranger of space and time Michael Bay has reached a level of aggressive self-actualization that perhaps no other human being has reached before.
I’m “biast” (pro): nothing

I’m “biast” (con): we hateses the Michael Bay

(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)

This is a movie in which a car punches a guy in the face.

Not a transforming alien Autobot capable of reorganizing its physical self to configure something like an arm ending in a fist. No. Just a regular Earth-made internal combustion-powered vehicle locked into one corporeal shape, sailing through the air, in the process of which its front passenger-side tire connects with a human jaw, sending the anonymous man reeling.

This happens in slow motion.

It is vital to appreciate what this all means. Rearranger of space and time Michael Bay has reached a level of aggressive self-actualization that perhaps no other human being has reached before. He does not wait for the universe to accidentally achieve some happenstance that coincidentally will please him: he forces his will upon the universe and bends it to his hedonistic whim. It is the opposite of Buddhism, a serene acceptance of how one puny human spirit is inevitably buffeted by the ebb and flow of eternity. It is Bayism, an angry, endless active pursuit of the awesome in as big, as loud, as obnoxious a form as possible. (Also essential: Your attention to this egomaniacal campaign. It matters not whether you approve. Your disgust may even add to his pleasure. But you must be made aware of it.) It is perhaps best represented in the jerkosophy — the physical manifestation of Bayist philosophy — that asks, Why must shit be blown up? and answers, Because it’s there.

Transformers: Michael Bay’s Public Masturbation is the filmmaker attaining the apex of Bayism. To which you, perhaps, find yourself transfixed, unable to turn away, much in the same way that a 100-car pileup on the freeway is riveting. In IMAX and 3D for nearly three hours. A sportscar glides in slo-mo through formidable flames in the same cinematic breath in which the crispified corpse of a man — ostensibly one of the “good guys,” though such distinctions have little meaning here — is lingered over in fiery slo-mo. Sleek stealthy helicopters and illicit black-ops soldiers are visually fellated by the camera, fetishizing federally approved fascist extralegal paramilitary activity on American soil: “My face is my warrant,” says one agent as his colleagues shove guns into the faces of unarmed civilians. Why does the camera look with the same sexualized longing to be as awesome upon a “villain” as it looks upon a “hero”? Why are events that seem to be terrible, to our eyes that do not comprehend Bayist whizdom, transmuted into something “cool”?

It is because Bay has moved beyond such tired concepts of “good” and “evil,” never mind lesser notions such as “coherence,” “logic,” and “narrative.” He will do what he will because it pleases him, and for no other reason. You and I may look at this movie and wonder, Why are Mark Wahlberg and his teenaged daughter (Nicola Peltz) and her boyfriend (Jack Reynor) driving nine-hours-plus from Texas to Utah’s Monument Valley? But this is only our paltry enlightened perspectives speaking. If only we could achieve Bayist endarkenment! Which isn’t possible for us. But if it were, we would finally understand that the narrowing of one’s perspective to allow only for the awesome free of any context means that Monument Valley at the Golden Hour of low sunlight and long shadows makes for an even more rockin’ fuck-yeah-America! hard-on than the Stars and Stripes waving in the breeze while a blond Barbie doll looks on.

I, who am unable to appreciate Bayism, may wonder, Hey, if every single woman here is going to be introduced to us ass-first, could we maybe get some linger on Marky Mark’s sweat-glistened biceps or the tight jeans clutching his lovely ass? But no! This is not for me. It is not for you. It serves the needs only of Bay.

Chrome! Chrooooooooommmmmmmme. Kickass Chinese chick outta nowhere! Transformium. Cars getting tossed through the air. Fakey Irish accents from real Irish actors. Dead civilians. Let’s run around an alien spaceship! Rolly things. Giant robot warrior riding an even gianter robot dinosaur. Secret Chinese facility! Fat robot even though who would make a fat robot? Golden Hour in Hong Kong is smoggy! Luxury brand names prominently highlighted amidst chaotic urban destruction, because apocalypse marketing is the new hotness.

It is all one. It is all of a singular oneness. “There are mysteries to the universe than we are never meant to learn,” intones alien robot warrior Optimus Prime. Michael Bay says, “Fuck that shit.” There are no mysteries. There is only awesome.


Like what you’re reading? Sign up for the daily digest email and get links to all the day’s new reviews and other posts.

shop to support Flick Filosopher

Independent film criticism needs your support to survive. I receive a small commission when you purchase almost anything at iTunes (globally) and at Amazon (US, Canada, UK):

    
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
US/Can release: Jun 27 2014
UK/Ire release: Jul 05 2014

Flick Filosopher Real Rating: rated BE (contains Bayist endarkenment)
MPAA: rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, language and brief innuendo
BBFC: rated 12A (moderate action violence, infrequent strong language)

viewed in 3D IMAX
viewed at a semipublic screening with an audience of critics and ordinary moviegoers

official site | IMDb | trailer
more reviews: Movie Review Query Engine | Rotten Tomatoes

If you’re tempted to post a comment that resembles anything on the film review comment bingo card, you might want to reconsider.

  • Bluejay

    There is only awesome.

    What’s AWESOME is this review.

  • Beowulf

    This made $100 million at the U.S. box office this weekend and double that around the world, especially in China.
    Lordy, are there that many 9-year-olds with the $5-to-$7 a kid’s ticket costs these days? I would have loved this when I was nine, but there’d have been no “adults” in the audience, just fellow child felons hurling empty jujube boxes at each other.

  • Bayist endarkment is awesome.

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    How is this even possible? And that goes for every last one of the Bayformers movies. No one will admit to actually enjoying them. Even the “I just want to see giant robots punching each other” crowd – who won’t fucking shut up about Pacific Rim* – is curiously silent on this series. And the most successful to date? Revenge of the Fallen, a film in the running to be considered among the worst ever made. How in the hell do these continue to make so much money with no apparent audience?

    * And despite the (largely inexplicable) love for it, Pacific Rim‘s lifetime domestic gross is less than any of the Transformers brought in in their first 7 days.

  • Danielm80

    I watch them out of nostalgia. A whole team of people has gone to great expense to recreate my childhood fantasies in meticulous detail. No one in real life goes to that much effort to make me happy.

    Sadly, I’m not being ironic.

  • Luke

    While I always love a good tearing apart of over-the-top Hollywood diarrhea (and I must say yours was quite elegant, if only a bit condescending), your review actually convinced me to go see this beast of a film. Why? Because, honestly, few things excite me more than the prospect of tuning out from the everyday, the possible, and the rational for 165 minutes and just enjoying a digital spectacle that shows off just how detailed we can make things that aren’t real.

  • I don’t think you are going to be satisfied even on that undemanding level.

  • The sad thing is that these movies represent a detailed recreation of your childhood fantasies. Did you grow up in a redneck, misogynist, semi-racist family?

  • I heard that not only does Bay fail to duplicate the Nolan IMAX experience, he fucks it up spectacularly: switching from Full Frame IMAX to regular frame within the same scene, from shot to shot.

    If you consider the Transformers movies to be an enjoyable “digital spectacle” then I am not sure you opinion can be trusted.

    About anything! :)

  • Beowulf

    These heer movin’ pitcher shows costs alot. I’se glad it wuz only two tickets for me, my sister and wife. We snuck in two Colt-45s, to.

  • Bluejay

    I watch them out of nostalgia. A whole team of people has gone to great expense to recreate my childhood fantasies in meticulous detail.

    I’m afraid I must disagree. I’m nostalgic for the Transformers cartoons (and animated movie) too. But when Bay and Co. tell me “Here’s your childhood!” it’s like Coraline missing her parents and being presented with the Other Mother and the Other Father.

    YMMV as always. :-)

  • Bluejay

    A kid who wants to see the movie probably means the family will go see the movie. I’m guessing it all adds up.

  • RogerBW

    Two merlot-scented tears trickled down the sides of her nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. She had won the victory over herself. She loved Michael Bay.

  • Danielm80

    I see your point, not because of any intellectual argument (although: excellent analogy) but because Bumblebee is supposed to be a %#!@$ Volkswagen.

  • Bluejay

    It is all one. It is all of a singular oneness.

    This sounds amazingly like the Autobots’ rallying cry, “‘Till All Are One!”, from the 1986 animated movie. Maybe the fact that you (unconsciously?) picked up on it is a sign that this movie IS the culmination, the ultimate and terrible fulfillment of Transformerness.

    And here’s another thing coming full circle: Mark Wahlberg once sang the de facto theme song from the animated movie. And now he’s in a Transformers film.

    Signs, signs everywhere! And it has all come to this…

  • BrianJKelly

    I spent the entire moving thinking, “This is so dumb. This is so dumb.” And I’m a lifelong Transformers fan. I used to wish Bay would focus more on characterization, but this time the dialogue was so bad I kept thinking, “Shut up! Shut up! Just get back to the explosions!”

  • ohn

    This is the greatest review I have ever read.

  • David

    “Fuck that shit.” There are no mysteries. There is only awesome.”

    I totally heard Sterling Archer’s voice when I read this.

  • ming_on_mongo

    Yup, she nailed it! “Bayism”… the inevitable marriage of total directorial narcissism and CGI techno-porn!

  • Thank you very much! Tell your friends!

  • Greyhound

    *RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE*
    …for the review, of course. The film is quite terrible.

  • Max Urai

    You have seriously outdone yourself. This review contains more great lines than four of these fucking movies put together.

  • Drave

    IO9’s takedown of the film is also an enjoyable read.

    http://io9.com/transformers-age-of-extinction-the-spoiler-faq-1598579492

  • etmeta

    Me thinks thou takest thine elliticist perspective too seriously; how about you see a movie not for what it says or fails to say from your perspective and see it objectively as “transformers” movie; pastiche from retrograde cartoon nostalgia. It is only when you free your mind, that you realize it is not what you think of the movie, but what audiences do that matters. Don’t hide your distaste for your perspective on audience taste behind a now tired hate filled repartee tirade against a Bay; transformers made $300 million in week 1; by that metric the audience votes yes for michael bay. You are missing the point dear; transformers movies are critic proof. Mike Bay gives us the fans everything we asked for -intense action, and no high brow nolanesque Shakespearean fakery. If I want theater, I’ll go to broadway. Transformers is sensational as avant garde action entertainment and is never boring.

  • Danielm80

    Comparing the movie to a great work of art doesn’t make its flaws seem more tolerable. It just reminds us that we could be watching something better.

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    Question: why are Galvatron and the Dinobots even in this movie? They already had a villain Transformer, and they gave that villain an army of Transformer mooks to throw at the Autobots. KSI’s Transfauxmers are kind of redundant, aren’t they? The Dinobots are marginally useful in resolving the big fight, but hardly necessary (Hound kills at least 20 of the 50 himself), and don’t figure into the story at all.

    All I can figure is that we’re seeing two separate versions of the script (one where Lockdown is the big bad, and one where Galvatron is) that got mashed together when Bay couldn’t choose one, or didn’t think he could pad just one out to 3 hours.

  • You should try reading my review of the first Transformers movie: http://www.flickfilosopher.com/2007/07/transformers-review.html

    And then you might want to think about the fact that you, who holds the attitude you display here, are wasting your time reading film criticism.

  • Ha. That’s good. But I think “It’s just a movie” should probably be in the center. :->

  • Because awesome. That is all the reason Bay needs. I thought I made this clear. :->

  • Bluejay

    elliticist

    Spelling is for elitists.

  • Tonio Kruger

    Before you can read her,
    you gotta learn how to see her.

    Free your mind
    and the rest will follow…

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    Right. Clearly I have not yet reached the 9th level of endarkenment required to see beyond the petty strictures of efficient and logical storytelling. :)

  • I can see this being the new “biast”.

  • David

    I used to think Michael Bay was like an idiot savant who only knew how to do one thing. After Pain and Gain I think he’s being more deliberate. I think Michael Bay genuinely hates his audience and is making fun of them. After this movie makes a monster ton of money I think he’s going to try to one up and make something even more vile until his fans wake up to the crap he’s shoveling in their faces.

    Thing is, I actually think he has talent. The Rock is one of the best action films of the 90s. I would actually like him to do a film version of the Battle of Leyte Gulf. None of that “romance” bs or ridiculous sappiness of Pearl Harbor. Just a straight up presentation of the largest naval battle in human history like Robert Maxwell’s Gettysburg. Plenty of stuff

    Failing that, give Transphormers to somebody else, like the Coen Brothers. Who wouldn’t want to see a $200 million transphormers movie directed by the Coen Brothers?

  • Michael Bay is the action film version of M. Night Shyamalan. For a brief period there were flashes of brilliance. Not everyone thinks as highly of THE ROCK as you and I do, but man that’s a good movie. And the first BAD BOYS is pretty great as well. Then it’s just a downward trend, each movie taking the things that were most awful (explosions, military fetishism, violence toward women, racist stereotypes) about the previous movies and expanding on those instead of the things that worked (interesting characters, clever dialogue, story beats that progressed logically).

    It’s a shame!

    I hear the action scene editing is pretty good on this new one, if you can believe it, but I’m still not going to watch it.

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    I remember seeing Bad Boys and The Rock and thinking, “This Michael Bay guy has a lot of style. His movies just need a little more brains.”

    Then he made Armageddon, an intensely, aggressively stupid movie that didn’t seem to realize just how stupid it really was, and in fact might actually think it was smart.

    I skipped Pearl Harbor because I just didn’t think I wanted to see what the director of those previous films thought would be an historical epic. By all accounts, I was right.

    I may have seen Bad Boys II. I’m honestly not sure. It was completely forgettable, a film that feels like cash grab by the studio and a contractual obligation by Bay and Will Smith. (Nobody cares about Martin Lawrence.)

    I saw The Island and came away thinking, “OK, with the right script and a strong producer, Bay’s style could possibly turn out a great film. This isn’t it, but I think it’s possible.”

    Then he made three Transformers movies in a row. And they made all the money. So that’s it. We’re never going to see a great film from Michael Bay. Or at least, I’m not. Because outside of these films, which I dutifully go see with my wife because she feels nostalgia for the property, I have no interest in anything he’s even associated with.

  • Beowulf

    “dear”? Really?

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    Via io9, a good description if why, visually at least, Michael Bay’s movies are such a hot mess:
    http://io9.com/michael-bay-movies-or-why-your-eyes-love-what-your-br-1600584661

  • Nathan T. Rhodes

    Do
    not listen to the detractors for nothing on Earth will ever satisfy
    your inner Transformers geek more than witnessing the utter, complete
    and total redemption of Michael Bay. With one glorious fell swoop this
    evidently slow-to-warm-up-but-eventually-wizard-like
    filmmaker has expunged all his previous crimes against the Transformers
    fan base and finally delivered them to their deservedly blissful state of Cybertronian nirvana.

    Like a twenty first century Jesus armed with $200 million dollars, Bay
    has redeemed even the gravest of the sins of our childhood. Not only has
    he risen phoenix-like, still burning yet majestic, from the putrid
    black ashes that remained from the burning of our childhood dreams and
    his own reputation. Incredibly, he has somehow also redeemed the once
    unforgivable abomination that was the ascension of Rodimus Prime. In one
    two and half hour expedition to the pinnacle of awesomeness he has made
    whole the millions of innocent hearts so cynically and selfishly broken
    all those years ago.

    Suddenly the pain and confusion that was
    so cruelly and needlessly inflicted upon us in 1986 can be forgotten.
    Even the fresher scars, the proverbial salt in the wound that is the
    memory of the first three piles of turd rubbed onto celluloid that Bay
    tried to pass off as Transformers films, have been forever healed. Like
    faithful, stubborn and persistent visitors to a highly priced and
    extremely talented plastic surgeon, we have had our scars forever
    erased.

    All those that have ever nestled into the sometimes
    prickly and often disappointing bosom of the Transformers geekdom, go
    forth like pilgrims to thine local cinema. Flock now so that you all can
    finally revel in your long overdue and much deserved cinematic
    birthright: a truly epic journey into the elusive and sublime joys of
    well thought-out and skilfully delivered Transformers ‘fan service’.

    This movie isn’t for the hordes. It isn’t for the unfortunate souls
    that weren’t brought up living and breathing robots from Cybertron. It’s
    not for the critics. It’s an expensive, much belated and exclusive gift
    made especially just for you. An epic, royally triumphant and
    completely kick-ass Transformers movie that respects the fan base while
    also creating a new folklore that not only doesn’t make you want to stab
    yourself in the face with a rusty nail while having your eyeballs
    lacerated by a million paper cuts, it is actually pretty awesome in its
    own right.

    A true fan will find it almost impossible not to love this film. It is simply that good.

    Michael Bay I never thought I would ever say this but, thank you. Even
    the $600 million odd dollars and approximately seven and a half hours of
    my life you wasted setting up the story line of this movie with those
    first three abominations now seems like time and money well spent.

    For after nearly thirty long years of shattered hopes and unfulfilled
    expectations, finally our inner 6 year olds can live the dream. Finally
    we can stand on the apex of the Mount Everest of 1980’s nostalgia – and
    wholeheartedly and enthusiastically enjoy a Transformers movie for the
    first time – all the while being snugly wrapped in a delightful bubble
    of restored faith, emancipation from loss and total satisfaction.

    Do not take heed of reviews written by people that have never
    transformed a toy from a robot to a car in their lives. Do not be
    distracted by accounts of gratuitous product placement. Worry not about a
    repeat of previously indecipherable shot composition and editing.
    Cleanse yourself of the horrible memory that is Shia LeBeouf.

    This film delivers much more in the way of fan service than any of the
    previous films. Some of it is subtle, some quite overt (Galvatron
    transforming into a cannon and Optimus spending some time looking much
    like his G1 alter ego in truck form are notable examples). The movie is
    peppered with a lot of little touches that would probably be lost on
    people new to Transformers, but that had me clapping the screen at
    stages. Some people actually applauded the movie when it ended.

    It’s like they finally aimed it at the fan base, rather than take it
    for granted that the fan base would go anyway and trying to make it work
    for everyone else. And I for one appreciated those touches as they have
    been sorely missing from the franchise. But regardless of whether that
    stuff resonates with you or not it still has a much better plot than any
    of the other films and importantly it’s a grand spectacle – almost
    without a doubt bigger and more outrageous than any other movie in
    history, period. It is simply EPIC.

    Anyone that is a true
    Transformers fan obviously wants to and tries to like these movies.
    Three times previous to this I have failed in this task more or less and
    pretty much became a card carrying member of the &@#% You Michael
    Bay You Killed My Childhood club. Yet this time when they take it in yet
    another direction that is completely incongruous with the beloved and
    sacred G1 mythology – I totally went with them instead of fighting it.
    And actually, it is pretty damn cool. I didn’t have to try to like this
    movie. As a Transformers mega-geek Age of Extinction was inherently
    enjoyable to me in nearly every way. Plus as I said it has a lot of
    delicious little morsels for the old school fans that just become the
    cherry on top of a very sweet sundae.

    I am honestly and truly
    sorry for anyone that thinks they are a Transformers fan but that
    doesn’t absolutely love this movie. I think it is just a horrible defect
    in their personality. They will never be happy unless watching the
    movie is a mere carbon copy of their experiences watching the G1
    cartoon. Yes Michael didn’t go in the direction we wanted him to at
    first. But where he has ended up should allow us to forgive if not
    forget and appreciate the unique and incredible nature of this motion
    picture.

    When we thought all hope was lost, Michael Bay has
    given us what we have been wanting all these years. But for some their
    own cynicism will not allow them to celebrate the occasion. To them I
    say let the 6 year old inside you finally let go of all the pain and rip
    up your Bay Haters membership card.

    All the Transformers
    aficionados that are brow beaten, dejected and void of all hope should
    rest assured that finally Michael Bay has miraculously managed to not
    completely &@#% up a Transformers film.

    The jaded, dejected
    and resentful among the once wide-eyed and awestruck Transformers
    mega-geeks: rejoice! For you are the chosen ones. You are the chosen few
    for whom Transformers: Age of Extinction won’t be a loud and obnoxious
    destruction of two and a half perfectly good hours of your life. It will
    be an exhilarating, deeply satisfying and ultimately spiritual
    experience.

  • I’ve created a post dedicated to this video in the io9 post. Please post all comments about it here: http://www.flickfilosopher.com/2014/07/basically-michael-bay-idiot-savant.html

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    Whee, a h/t! :D

  • Leonard Pinth Garnell

    I wandered into the theater next door once while waiting for our movie. I actually saw about 10 seconds of one of Michael’s earlier TF masterpieces, and that was enough of Bay’s Wonderful World Of Horseshit for a lifetime. What is infinitely more delightful is reading the Flick Filosopher’s reviews after this excrement hits theaters (and the hilarious letters that ensue). Bayhem Studios has already reported the next venture is another sci-fi chiller… “Rectuma: Attack Of The 6’1″ Tall Walking Rectum,” with Bay in the title role.

  • Matt Clayton

    I’m just amazed at how aggressively big Bay’s ego is. You’d figure he’d learn how to be more plot-efficient, considering he’d made three of them already. His TF movies would go down a lot smoother if he’d cut the sexist, redundant, and awful crap out and focus on the action. That’d make for a more tolerable 75-90 minute movie.

    But MAJ’s review is simply glorious. I may have to get a Rifftrax for this one.

  • Jonathan Roth

    I personally saw only the first movie. My immediate impression afterwards was “I enjoyed it, but the same way I enjoyed The Phantom Menace: the more I think about it, the more I hate it.”

    David Willis, online cartoonist and Transformers uberfan, noted that he likes the Bay fims because it pumps money into the parts of the franchise he does like.

    Which is probably fair enough; the “Transformers Prime” series is, in my opinion, fantastic. It also has firm roots in the Orci/Kurtzman/Bay films.

  • Bluejay

    he likes the Bay films because it pumps money into the parts of the franchise he does like.

    I suppose the one reason I’m glad of the Bay films is that they continue to provide employment for legendary voice actors like Peter Cullen and Frank Welker, who deserve every penny they get.

  • Matt Clayton

    After seeing it in full, it’s tolerable… barely. I have to say Mark Wahlberg and Peter Cullen’s voice work as Optimus makes this go down a lot better than it should. And what I wouldn’t give to see a talented director take what Bay did and do something good with it for a fifth movie.

    Because we all know Paramount is going to make a follow-up. The worldwide gross all but assures it.

  • Evan

    Though artistically barren, this movie is economically brilliant. Brilliant because a lot of Americans loves them the Bayist philosophy. One must blow lots of shit up because its there. It also resonates with this same crowd, because the American government is out of control and evil. At the same time it also appeals to Americans convinced that the Chinese government does it better than the US, so the Chinese government is portrayed as actually caring about their people. Throw in some well placed cameos of Chinese actors/singers, and it appeals greatly to consumers in China. Criticize Bay for his bereft artistry, but you gotta credit him for effectively fellating the audiences that love him.

  • jimmy

    Dude. U are a critic. Looks like u just doing your JOB. WHO ARE YOU? The world knows Michael Bay. Who the hell are you to judge his work. What’s your qualification? Where have you proved yourself to advocate what you have written? That’s right go back to your googling and books you nerd.

  • bronxbee

    oh, dear the poor little boy is so upset that someone doesn’t like his toys first of all, everyone is entitled to judge a work if it is out there for public viewing secondly, you might take a look at the webhosts history of almost 17 years of constant movie viewing, thought and writing since that’s probably longer than you’ve actually been alive, it should, in fact, count for quite a bit; and thirdly, you might want to *read* some books yourself, and expand your narrow outlook

  • Bluejay

    WHO ARE YOU?

    Look it up, dumbass. She’s more qualified to criticize Bay than you are to criticize her review.

    Let me guess: You love EVERY movie you’ve ever seen, because you’re not a filmmaker and you don’t feel qualified to criticize. You love EVERY famous actor, because you’re not a famous actor and you don’t feel qualified to criticize. You love EVERY restaurant meal you’ve eaten, because you’re not a chef and you don’t feel qualified to criticize. You love EVERY sports team, because you’re not a professional athlete and you don’t feel qualified to criticize.

    That’s quite an… interesting mindset to go through your life with. Good luck with that.

    That’s right go back to your googling and books you nerd.

    If you think that’s an insult, you’ve come to the wrong place. Not to mention the wrong century.

  • LOL.

  • Nathan C.

    I see you either:

    A: watch the informative silliness that is Honest Trailers (a youtube series that pokes fun at Hollywood movie tropes)

    B: noticed the same slow motion car-punch (not that it’d be easy to miss)

    Either way, I enjoyed the review.

  • I don’t watch Honest Trailers. Their trailer was posted long after my review was posted, though, so maybe they read me!

  • Constable

    Hmmm, that maybe true. I suppose it was a bit of a stretch to imagine all of the movie critics I listen to are connected in some sort of web of conspiracy. Though, I can think of more plausible scenarios involving your readers suggesting the movie to them using that observation of yours. I suppose it is also hard to imagine you watching them, they do tend to parody (I hope it’s parody) the demographic you dislike seeing on the big screen. They did have a clever bit where half-way through they have the script read by a Chinese moviegoer voicing their dislike of Bay’s attempts to pander to them. Apart from that though, they tend to stick to pop-culture references and trope awareness.

    Regardless, I’m glad I didn’t force myself to watch this… display of… something unpleasant.
    Thank you.

  • MychaelDarklighter

    Phantom Menace rules. You don’t hate it at all.

  • Joe Schmoe

    Crap is king in Bay’s universe

Pin It on Pinterest