Fright Club
What I’m about to say will be considered sacrilege by many, I know. But when has that ever stopped me?
This is it:
John Carpenter’s Halloween sucks. It’s boring. It’s not scary.
There. I said it.
Probably, I didn’t see the film at the proper stage of my psychological development, like when I was a teenage babysitter myself, like Halloween‘s heroine, Laurie Strode. Could be it’s just that I don’t like most horror flicks unless they’re also funny, like Army of Darkness, or sophisticated, like The Silence of the Lambs.
Please don’t write into tell me how sophisticated Halloween actually is, because that’s a symptom of my third point, which is that I suspect the Halloween movies are like the Star Wars movies, in that the most fun thing about them isn’t what’s actually onscreen but the fannish discussions that happen offscreen about the interrelations between characters and the interconnections between events that loop through the entire series of films. There may be much enjoyment to be had in hashing over the secrets that unfold through the series, I don’t deny that. But I never got into that, and so, like a Star Wars neophyte at an opening-night screening of The Phantom Menace, I’m mystified.
Six-year-old Michael Myers stabbed his teenage sister to death on Halloween night, 1963, in now infamous (and fictional) Haddonfield, Illinois. Fifteen years later, on October 30, 1978, he escapes from the mental hospital where he has been held in the interim, returns to Haddonfield, and, on the next night — Halloween — he kills a bunch of teenagers in various gruesome ways. Though he has been stalking her all day, he passes up several good opportunities to kill Laurie, saving his apparent intended target for last, allowing Jamie Lee Curtis to become famous for screaming through 5 of the last 15 minutes of the film.
Carpenter (Ghosts of Mars, Escape from New York) may not have invented the clichés of the slasher subgenre, but the success of Halloween popularized them: the characters who behave stupidly and appear to have no peripheral vision whatsoever, the illogical and convenient plot, the connection between sex and death, the killer who can’t be killed. And while Halloween may be positively minimalist, compared to modern slasher flicks, it’s just as boring and endless a hacking bloodbath. Michael has no motive except that he’s insane, and since he never gets to speak or even show his face, he’s not even insane in an interesting way, like Hannibal Lecter or the killer in Seven, who reveals something of his character through whom he kills and why. Michael just kills indiscriminately, which is about as exciting as a cop story would be if the bad guy were a simple purse-snatcher who, when caught and asked why he did it, shrugged “I dunno,” and meant it.
Laurie (Curtis: Virus, Fierce Creatures) is alone among the other characters in getting fleshed out in an attempt at characterization, but even that has little to do with anything else going on. She’s bookish, would rather baby-sit than go to a party, isn’t popular with guys, and chokes on a hit from a joint. She’s the exact opposite of all her friends — the ones who drink, have sex, and get murdered — which makes you wonder why she’s friends with them, anyway (high school just doesn’t work that way). Her demure virginity will ensure her survival. Why that is is never made clear — it’s not like it gives her a magical ward against Michael, who tries his damnedest to kill her. It’s practically medieval, I suppose, like how only a virgin can tame a unicorn… except she doesn’t tame Michael, and virgins are the usually the ones who get sacrificed to the monsters. So what’s the deal? I don’t get it. Maybe it makes sense once you spend years discussing it with other fans, but who has that kind of time?
To my unfannish eyes, the film is really padded out: we keep watching, watching, watching as people walk away into the distance, as scenes go on far longer than they should. Is this meant to simulate Michael stalking them? Or is it a way to stretch the film to 90 minutes? To my fannish ears, Carpenter’s score is monotonous and repetitious; fans find it creepy.
To my unfannish mind, Halloween is simplistic; fans may argue that it’s archetypal (same as I’d do for Star Wars). Well, fine. I can even see that, maybe. But I don’t feel it.
see also:
• Halloween (2018) movie review: all tricks, few treats
I love slasher flicks, generally speaking, and I’ve enjoyed every other John Carpenter movie I’ve seen, but I agree with you utterly re Halloween, ma’am.
From the poorly executed point-of-view opening; to the inexplicable indifference of law enforcement to the violent escape of a psychotic murderer (not to mention, Michael Myers’ inexplicable ability to drive a car, the children’s parents’ inexplicable failure to take their kids trick-or-treating, the inexplicable absence of trick-or-treaters at said children’s homes, nerd Laurie Strode’s inexplicable refusal to believe her babysitting charge’s claims of having seen a bogeyman, despite having cried bogeyman herself several times earlier in the movie, the inexplicable lack of back doors to any houses in Haddonfield, Myers’ inexplicable going from age 6 to 23 in 15 years, &c.); to the countless times that someone says that they see Myers, only for him to disappear before anyone else can spot him (it’s called diminishing returns); to the almost literally one-note soundtrack (if Carpenter belongs to the CGA, he’s long overdue for expulsion); to the bloodless (in every sense of the word) killings; to Myers’ failure to live up to his doctor’s billing as “pure evil” (or some such)–he struck me as more dimwitted than maleficent (I mean, he can pull a giant tombstone out of the ground and carry it around, but he can’t open a closet door?); Halloween sucks.
It, like Citizen Kane, might be admired for its innovations and influence, but again like Citizen Kane, Halloween tells a lame story–albeit one that might’ve had potential–badly.
bye Felicia
I agree with almost everything in this review. Halloween is one of the most overrated movies ever. And I say that as someone who LOVES the horror genre. Rob Zombie’s remake has it’s flaws, but is still vastly superior to Carpenter’s sleepy and annoying original.
You, along with this reviewer, are most definitely in the minority in your feelings on Halloween.
Yeah, I know, sometimes the majority is just wrong. This movie is hailed for doing some things for the first time, and I’ll give it credit for that. But doing something first isnt the same as doing it best. Horror movies are supposed to keep you up at night, not make you fall asleep.
Or could it be YOU?
There’s no need for this.
You say that like it’s a bad thing. It isn’t.
You are an ugly gobshite cunt with no taste in quality cinema. Typical American piece of shite. Euthanize yourself.
You are a gobshite with no taste. Typical American.
“Rob Zombie’s remake has it’s flaws, but is still vastly superior to Carpenter’s sleepy and annoying original”
This is the dumbest opinion I have read on the internet in quite some time. Thank you, for that, it’s refreshing!
You’re welcome. Glad I could bring some joy into your life.
WOW!!! That’s offensive!! HAHAHA Go ask Zombie his opinion of John Carpenter. HAHAHA Carpenter is a legend. Rob Zombie isn’t.
I’d love to see your vision of an intense horror movie and give you a paltry budget. Please show us how you can revolutionize a film genre with a tiny budget and and a few HS friends……it’s a herculean task that Carpenter did. Ask anyone the most iconic horror movie theme. My money is on Haloween!!! No other horror movie has a more recognizable theme song.
You’re a fucking idiot who has no taste in cinema. Gobshite idiot American.
It is a big stretch to say that Michael Myers is mentally ill, particularly in the first film. We have a psychiatrist who had studied him for 13 years trying to warn people that he is not mentally ill and that he doesn’t believe he is even human. We are shown that he can survive what would kill or disable a normal human. Calling the character of Michael Myers a portrayal of mental illness is like saying ‘The Exorcist’ was a about a girl going through a rough adolescence.
If one fails to appreciate the original HALLOWEEN on any level, one doesn’t understand the art of visual storytelling. Moreover, to suggest this title “sucks” is hilarious and witless. Stupid people should avoid writing.
So you’re retiring from commenting, then. Ok, bye.
LOL!!!
You miss so much that makes this movie unbelievable. Unless you can immerse yourself in the times of 1978 you might very well miss much of the supernova of this movie. Is it the best movie ever made? NO Is It Oscar worthy? NO. But there are some diamonds here. This movie is the pinnacle of LOW budget yet some of the best scares. It’s a classic boogey man movie. It was made on a shoestring budget and redefined what a horror movie is. At the time this movie swept the nation. It was made by kids and shows why big budget is not always great quality. This movie is simple yes. To today’s standards (2021) it’s not nearly as graphic. But that to me is the genius. This is the king of slasher/scream queen movies. It changed history at the time. You know who John Carpenter is because of this little movie!! Is this movie relevant today? I’d say probably not. The days of getting a high school babysitter are about gone. This movie, if you don’t know, spawned ALOT of imitations it has like 30 sequels and continues to spook people who’ve never seen it. It is not the same as horror movies of today. It was made in a different time and represents a different world than today. SO YES for those who expect this to be more scary than the conjuring or better than the Exorcist….It’s not. But it is a HORROR classic rivaled by none. Boring? sure….but 1978 was boring. Don’t be lazy with your critique if you aren’t able to figure out WHY this movie is the #1 horror movie of all time.