The Last Song (review)

Get new reviews in your email in-box or in an app by becoming a paid Substack subscriber or Patreon patron.

Damn you, Greg Kinnear, for making me cry over The Last Song. I was terrified that people would think I was sobbing over TV director Julie Anne Robinson’s tragedy-porn treatment of Nicholas Sparks’ cheap emotional manipulation [Amazon U.S.] [Amazon Canada] [Amazon U.K.], when instead I was sobbing because you are just so damn amazing as a sad dad trying to reconnect with his kids. How you, as an actor, managed to endure being treated the same way as your character is treated by his spoiled, self-centered brat of a teenaged daughter, I don’t know. For this isn’t just a movie about a brat of a teen (Miley Cyrus: Bolt) who thinks the world revolves around her — the movie itself appears to believe that the world revolves around its tepid, tedious teen romance (with the bland and beautiful Liam Hemsworth: Knowing), and it keeps scowling and storming out — just like Cyrus’s Ronnie! — whenever something genuinely interesting is about to happen. Why couldn’t the whole movie be about dad Steve (Kinnear: Green Zone) and young Jonah (Bobby Coleman [Post Grad], also amazing) and their relationship, which is far more compelling? Oh, right: because neither of them are Hannah Montana. Instead, we get a “romantic” mudfight and a cute-dress-trying-on montage and a girl who’s special and deep and “not like the other girls” merely because she reads Tolstoy and rescues sea turtle eggs from raccoons on the beach. OMG movies are so unfair!

share and enjoy
             
If you’re tempted to post a comment that resembles anything on the film review comment bingo card, please reconsider.
If you haven’t commented here before, your first comment will be held for MaryAnn’s approval. This is an anti-spam, anti-troll measure. If you’re not a spammer or a troll, your comment will be approved, and all your future comments will post immediately.
subscribe
notify of
9 Comments
oldest
newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
view all comments
Dana G
Dana G
Mon, Apr 05, 2010 4:25pm

Obviously you have not ready the book since the book focuses on four characters, Steve, Ronnie, Will and Marcus. I adore Greg Kinnear but the movie is based on the book so it has to focus on all of them. And if the character of Ronnie was played as “a brat of a teen (Miley Cyrus: Bolt) who thinks the world revolves around her” then that is exactly as the character was portrayed in the book.

Nathan
Nathan
Mon, Apr 05, 2010 5:40pm

Dana, even if critics were to judge films based on how well they’re adapted from the book (which they shouldn’t), Sparks wrote the screenplay before he wrote the book; so there was no “have to” here.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Mon, Apr 05, 2010 6:43pm

Clearly, Sparks’ book should have been about the dad and the son, too. :->

stryker1121
stryker1121
Tue, Apr 06, 2010 10:17am

Oh no it’s Nicholas Sparks–who dies this time at the altar of Sparks’s schmaltz god?

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Tue, Apr 06, 2010 11:40am

Oh no it’s Nicholas Sparks–who dies this time at the altar of Sparks’s schmaltz god?

Do you really want to know?

*****SPOILER*****

(It’s Greg Kinnear. He had got the cancer, and died on a Tuesday.)

*****SPOILER*****

Nathan
Nathan
Tue, Apr 06, 2010 6:43pm

Cracked’s take on the Nicholas Sparks formula
http://www.cracked.com/funny-4725-nicholas-sparks/

Jesus, this looks like the synopsis of a bad soap opera.

Mimi
Mimi
Fri, Apr 09, 2010 10:08pm

(***semi-spoiler***)

Dammit, I liked Tolstoy and turtles, and I so did not get laid in high school, let alone by the hunky volleyball player or whatever. What was I doing wrong? Was my dad too healthy? Teach me, Miley!

mfan
mfan
Sun, Jul 25, 2010 3:42am

Come on, you mean you didn’t enjoy the part where Miley was driven to her dad’s house as a passenger, but by the end of the film, she is more sure of herself and who she is, and is able to take the wheel and drive off by herself? Classic feminist moment!

I liked all the parts of the film that had Miley in it. I will definitely be buying the DVD, too. I support all of Miley’s movies, and always will. People who don’t know much about her don’t seem to understand the amoount of goodwill she has earned, and won’t damage that by being rude or negative. Go Miley!

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Sun, Jul 25, 2010 2:41pm

Between this comment, mfan, and your bizarre attitude about Selena Gomez, I’m beginning to suspect some trollishness…