Many movies have attempted to replicate the festive insouciant brutality of Die Hard. No movie has come closer to realizing this lofty goal than Violent Night.
In some ways, this burnt sugarplum of nastiness is aping that holiday classic of old: An assemblage of terrible people gathered together on Christmas Eve is gatecrashed by a gang of thieving terrorists, and finds an unlikely savior in someone who wasn’t invited, would rather not be there, and yet has the necessary particular set of skills to thwart the bad guys and save the day. In this case, the terrible people are the ultrawealthy Lightstone family of Greenwich, Connecticut, headed up by the inventively foulmouthed Gertrude (Beverly D’Angelo: Vacation, The House Bunny), whose business encompasses global warmongering and environmental destruction and whose palatial estate is “the most secure private residence in the country.” And the unlikely savior is *checks notes* Ol’ Saint Nick himself (David Barbour: Black Widow, Extraction). No, like, the real one, who just stopped off on his regular rounds and, well…
Wishful-thinking copaganda gives way to Yuletide fantasy, then. But it’s a harsh sort of fantasy. Santa’s pre–Jolly Old Elf backstory is hinted at when he has to strip to the waist to sew himself up after a gunshot wound — this movie not for children — and we get a glimpse not only of his sexy dad bod (I’m not being sarcastic here) but also his badass ancient tattoos (which, not gonna lie, contribute to the sexiness). We’re talking some real Northman stuff, and though we get a few more tidbits, we defo need a whole helluva lot more of that backstory. Violent Night: The Beginning, anyone?
Anyway, welcome to the party, pal.
Honestly, the most unrealistic thing about this movie is the opening scene, which is set in a drinking hole that is supposed to be in Bristol, England, and yet which looks nothing like any British pub I’ve ever been in. It does look like any given old-man bar in North America, though. (The film was shot in Winnipeg.) At least it’s funny that Santa would be hanging out in an old-man bar.
Astonishingly, this is the rare American movie that manages to sit comedy comfortably alongside sentimentality; director Tommy Wirkola is Norwegian, so maybe that’s it. This is a Santa who is hugely disillusioned with modern kids (“little shits,” he deems them), yet who is won over by adorable little Trudy (Leah Brady), about eight years old and a Lightstone outlier in her sweet kindness; she’s probably the only member of the family on Santa’s Nice list. This Santa will be reminded of the true meaning of Christmas through her, even as she is pulling some formidable Home Alone shit of her own on the bad guys.
Violent Night doesn’t quite reach Die Hard’s heights of sublime snark or smooth criminality: John Leguizamo (Ice Age: Collision Course, Sisters), as the head bad guy, is not as well served by the script as Alan Rickman was by Die Hard’s. But screenwriters Pat Casey and Josh Miller have come up with some dementedly delicious ways that seemingly innocuous holiday fripperies can become deadly weapons. This is a bonkers nightmare before Christmas that is surely destined to become a new merry classic for twisted freaks like me.
more films like this:
• Fatman [Prime US | Prime UK | Apple TV]
• Bad Santa [Prime US | Prime UK | Apple TV US | Apple TV UK]
I saw this the first day it came out. Have to admit it — I laughed my caboose off. A very welcome addition to the Christmas canon.
BTW it’s a Canadian movie. And it is just a mash-up of a dozen other “Bad Santa” and “Home Alone” movies.
It’s a joint US/Canadian production.
Sorry. It’s not funny and there’s violence in it. And lots of swearing. And there’s Americans in it. I’m getting so tired of the same old formulas. I want a nice Christmas movie with a clever and funny script. I’m sure I’ll find it in Europe. I’ll let you know.