Twilight (review)

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OMG! Best Movie Evar!


(for dreamy 12-year-old girls)

(for everyone else)

Wow, I feel like I so have to Twitter everyone in the world and tell them to See. This. Movie. And not just because Robert Pattinson is the best Edward there could ever be. (I never even heard of him before, it’s not like he’s superfamous like Zac Efron or anyone, but I hope he wins an Oscar now, he’s that cute!) Because it’s not like this is only for people who read Stephanie Meyer’s book of Twilight — although who didn’t! It’s like an actual grownup movie, all serious and important. Like you can tell how beautiful the vampires are supposed to be because everything gets slow and sparkly when they walk by — and I mean even when they’re not in sunlight LOL! (Edward looks amazing when he sparkles in the sunlight! I always thought that was very clever of the book writer to invent a whole new thing about vampires and why they don’t go in the sun.) Or sometimes when other important things are happening, everything gets slow and the music gets real loud and Edward looks like he’s gonna cry. Those are the best moments ever, because then it’s like the director can’t even move the camera from him, he’s that gorgeous. But the director is named Catherine Hardwicke, which is a girl’s name, and what else would you expect!
I’m so excited that it sounds like I’m talking real fast even though I’m writing, which is what happens when I’m really excited. I’ll try to slow down and explain things better.

Twilight is all about Bella, who is a junior in high school, so she’s pretty grownup already LOL! She’s smart and beautiful and super nice and everybody loves her at her new school in Forks, which is in Seattle-Washington, not White-House-Washington. She’s also really deep and thoughtful, which you can tell because she talks to us through the movie, like a voiceover, and tells us her feelings and explains things that are happening, which is really nice of her so we can keep up. It’s like you want to be her best friend, and you wish she was your best friend, because she’s so cool and perfect. She’s not even stuck up about being so pretty! (Bella is played by Kristin Stewart, who is also very pretty and I bet super nice too.) Her school is even better than the High School Musical school because even though in both schools it’s like a total fantasy that everybody is so nice to each other and everyone is everyone’s best friend, here it’s a serious grownup story and not just a bunch of nice kids singing and dancing, which is okay for little kids but not for more mature kids.

You can tell this is more grownup because of things like this. It’s clever, like how when Bella sees Edward in science class for the first time and discovers she has to be his lab partner, her hair blows around all dramatically and importantly, but there’s a fan behind her, so there’s like two things going on, like it’s not just a fancy thing the director did but it’s also, you know, really there in the room. And when Bella says in her voiceover, “Edward was a vampire,” it totally sounds like something from a Jane Austen book. That’s literature. Or when Bella says, “I planned to confront him and demand to know that his problem is,” you can see that she’s strong and complicated. And when Edward — who is the totally cute vampire teenager she meets at school, I forgot to say that — tells Bella, “We shouldn’t be friends,” it’s like it’s because they’re in different groups at school, the vampires and the regular kids. It’s like, with everyone else being so nice to each other, the vampires, who are not nice to all the regular kids, are like the mean kids in a real school. I can’t remember the word when something stands in for something else, but that a literature thing too.

Ooo, this word I remember: ironic. That’s when things are different than you expect, and it’s surprising and also makes a theme. Like how one regular kid who doesn’t know that Edward is a vampire says to Bella, “He looks at you like you’re something to eat.” But Edward doesn’t look at her like that, Edward would never do that because he’s like a vegetarian vampire who only drinks animal blood, not people blood. It’s ironic because Edward is supposed to be dangerous — he thinks he’s the “bad guy”! — but he isn’t at all! He says all romantic things to Bella like “Your scent, it’s like a drug to me. You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” *sigh!* But Edward is not scary like other boys are who want to, you know, do stuff. I don’t mean in the movie — everyone is super nice to Bella! — but like, in RL. Edward can control himself like nice boys do, not like other boys with their “vile repulsive thoughts.” That is in the movie! But don’t worry, Edward rescues Bella from boys like that. He’s like a knight in shining armor. Maybe he’s a knight in sparkly armor LOL! Even though he’s a vampire. That’s deep.

It’s like so totally romantic and perfect! Edward is even the best lab partner ever — he knows all the answers to stupid biology questions so you can totally just let him do all the work. But it’s not like Bella is dumb. She uses Google to figure out all the stuff about Edward being a vampire. (Though I think everyone else in town and at the school might be a little stupid, because how could they not have figured out that all those weird but beautiful and very pale people are vampires LOL!) And it’s exotic, too, because Bella’s Indian friend Jacob is here too. He has Indian wisdom for her about vampires and stuff, and it’s so cool. Of course we all know what happens with Jacob in the next book and OMG the next movie please!

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Dan
Dan
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 12:40am

I lol’d.

Cally
Cally
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 12:47am

I have to say that even though I’m a 16 year old Twilight fan(and though the reviews are bad, I’m still going to see and enjoy the movie no matter what people say) this was hilarious. You do sometimes have to laugh at the silly cheesiness of it all. Twilight will appeal to it’s target audience but just a random movie goer…most likely it won’t. I can definitely admit to that.

Rob Vaux
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 1:13am

Marry me. But not in, like, a stalker Edward way. In the snarky grown up way where we sit around and smoke cigarettes in holders and down martinis by the quart and casually demolish the romantic fantasies of an entire generation with a few well-placed quips by reminding them that their super-special-one-true-love vampire story has actually a grab-bag of hackneyed cliches already expressed a thousand times better by oodles of stinky grown-ups who actually know how to write.

Ryan
Ryan
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 1:29am

bwahaha! Love the review, it’s like OMG, totally the awesomest! It should come with sparkles!

Jaco
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 2:15am

I’m afraid us “grown-ups” will have to put up with the fact that completely uninspiring (well, quite awful, really) authors like Chrostopher Paolini will have huge success and a rabid following of screaming teenage fans.

I have not read any of Twilight, but I imagine the same phenomenon is at work there.

Ryan
Ryan
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 2:21am

Yeah, it’s basically the same thing Jaco…although I will say that Meyer is ‘merely’ guilty of lazy, cliched, misogynistic writing…whereas Paolini managed to publish three books without having a single original thought.

Michael
Michael
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 2:26am

Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong. I need to write for a younger audience. :D

MaSch
MaSch
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 3:26am

Oh my, MaryAnn, you knew the probable consequences for writing this review …

Now a bunch of male readers will post here just to tell that they want to marry you or want to have little snarky children with you.

I’m one of them.

Alexa
Alexa
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 3:57am

I, unfortunately, ran out of work to see Twilight at the midnight showing, and frankly I am not impressed. I have read the entire series, purchased an Edward shirt, and even bought my friends the books to pass on the story. The movie was just as I suspected–AWFUL. I do not care for titan-sized close ups of Kristen Stewart OR Robert Pattinson, no matter how cute he is. His portrayal of Edward was somewhat marred by the way he was holding his British accent back and the result was a sometimes Bronx-y, fresh-from-overseas foreign exchange student stammer. Lovely. Bella, Kristen Stewart’s character, is supposed to be an over-emotional girly-girl; whereas Kristen just acted pretty blank, dull, and mannish–in other words, just being herself most of the time.

I refuse to give Stephenie Meyer any more of my money. DO NOT see this movie. It is horrible. Think black plague horrible. Thanks.

jewel
jewel
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 4:11am

to alexa:

didn’t see the movie (probably won’t), but from what you’ve written, i think kristen acted EXACTLY the way bella was portrayed in the book. dull and boring. the only thing that was said to excite her was edward.

as a matter of fact, i thought it was annoying that she was taking teen angst so literally. many times i found myself muttering GET OVER IT while reading the first few chapters. it wasn’t like her mom died, which FYI, would’ve been a MUCH more plausible reason for why bella went to live with charlie and why she was so depressed.

Melissa
Melissa
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 5:11am

Wow, MaryAnn. I seriously thought some 15 yr old girl had written this and I was about to hire some assassins to hunt her ass down for comparing this tripe known as Twilight to Jane Austen.

I applaud you for your snarky efforts.

Johan, South Africa
Johan, South Africa
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 8:13am

Genius! Adult male replying, which is, again, demographic defying, of course. Interesting how the review inspired this group to respond. Strange though – The review sort of made me want to see the movie despite all the negative reviews. It just suddenly sounded so delightfully camp.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 8:24am

I wish it was delightfully campy. There are a few moments that made me laugh (moments that were not meant to be funny), but not enough to make this worth spending money on in a movie theater. Rent it on DVD one night next spring and make fun of it with a group of friends — that’d be the best way to “enjoy” this if you’re not 12 and/or not still afraid of sex.

Johan, South Africa
Johan, South Africa
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 8:37am

Coming from you, MaryAnn, how can I resist the suggestion to skip this one. Sad, though: Having been caught up in the hype (even from the dark continent), I suppose I was hoping for the best. Suppose if I was really honest I’d have to admit I was looking for a justified reason to go and see Robert Pattinson. And I really liked Kristen Stewart in “Into the Wild”… Damn it!

Barb
Barb
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 8:58am

I normally as a vampire book buff but this movie and the book series never interested me at the least.

Tara
Tara
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 9:03am

I hate the books, and Bella’s just about the worst heroine Meyer could have possibly invented. It really worries me that millions of girls love this stuff! That they’re going to grow up thinking that Edward is the perfect male. So scary!

Alli
Alli
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 9:53am

Maryann, that was awesome. Loved it. I was actually expecting you to touch on some of the anti-feminist, abusive relationship issues, though. I just can’t figure out why young women (and Stephanie Meyer obviously) find codependency so sexy.

MaSch
MaSch
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 10:08am

@ Ryan, Alli: Considering this movie being the product of women and “The Women” being the product of women, maybe one could ask if there is at least as much misogyny in women filmmakers as there is in male filmmakers, albeit a slightly different kind of misogyny:

Male Misogynist: Women are neurotic, irrational creatures.

Female Misogynist: Women are neurotic, irrational creatures, and that’s what makes them so wonderful and charming!

Claudia
Claudia
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 10:33am

You HAVE heard of Robert Pattinson. Every twelve year old girl has. He was handsome Cedric Diggory, in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Morgan
Morgan
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 10:54am

To Alexa:

This is EXACTLY how I feel. Except, I never wanted to see it. I still don’t. I wouldn’t see it even if somebody PAID me to.

Now.
Kristen Stewart… WAKE UP. I swear, even in the previews she looks and sounds like she’s asleep. The way talks reminds me of that old guy in the Clear Eyes commercials.
You’re an actor! Have some emotion! Geez.

According to the book, all the vampires, and especially Edward and Rosalie, were supposed to be these drop dead GORGEOUS vampires.

Nikki Reed and Robert Pattison?
Are you KIDDING ME?! Gross! *Puke* I don’t consider these people attractive in the least.
And Robert’s hair, what did he do?! Put his finger in an electrical socket to get his hair like that?!

Making this book into a movie an awful idea.
And from what I can tell, the movie is even worse.

Way to go Hollywood.
Another winner! Not.

Bill
Bill
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 11:21am

“It really worries me that millions of girls love this stuff! That they’re going to grow up thinking that Edward is the perfect male. So scary!” – Tara

Most of the women I interact with regularly are between the ages of 25 and 35. A solid 75% of them are Twilight fans. They walk among us.

Jessica
Jessica
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 11:37am

Very clever! I spit out my coffee with those last three sentences.

I’ll go see the movie when all the fervor dies down. I’m a librarian, and I’ve been surrounded by the rabid fans probably much longer than others have been aware of their existence.

The only great thing about these books is that they get these girls (and boys – a lot more boys than you’d think) interested in reading. It’s a personal triumph when I can put Dracula into their hands.

The movie, however, doesn’t have that upside.

Karen R
Karen R
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 12:38pm

OMG ROFL LOL

afaic,ur bst evr.

amof, am c-p now. c/t

aatf

uh, alt

alt?

Din
Din
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 1:16pm

OMG U GUIZ.

Thats not nice Edward is ttly teh sex. U shuldn’t make fun of him b/c hes so hot!!!!11!!1

and bella is sooooo lucky 2 get a guy like him srsly. shes perfect b/c she has edward and can do nething w/him!! TEAM EDWARD!!

…seriously that’s every Twilight fan I know. You got them all spot on. Congrats.

Sarah
Sarah
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 3:35pm

Love your reviews, normally agree with you, won’t be seeing Twilight, BUT

you’re an awful lot easier on movies that appeal primarily to the twelve year old boy (in all of us).

Just sayin’.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 3:48pm

Well, I’m probably closer to the mindset of a 12-year-old boy than I am closer to that of a 12-year-old girl. Always have been. I think that’s true of more of us women than people suspect.

I was actually expecting you to touch on some of the anti-feminist, abusive relationship issues

OMG! No! Edward loves Bella! He would never hurt her! Abusive! No! He’s *protective*! Can he help it if he knows better what’s good for her than she does? It’s just natural, she being a girl and him being a boy (and a vampire LOL!).

You HAVE heard of Robert Pattinson. Every twelve year old girl has. He was handsome Cedric Diggory, in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

No!! Cedric was, like scary and dangerous and like a bad boy who wants to, you know, do stuff. Edward would never be like that!!!

Karen R
Karen R
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 3:49pm

Seriously, I should add the latest issue of “Creative Screenwriting” magazine has an interview with this film’s scripter, Melissa Rosenberg, and it sounded doomed from the start. They fast-tracked her because of the writer’s strike and she cranked an outline in 2 weeks 25 days and the script in 5 weeks. They were casting the film the same time she was writing and the director was giving her immediate feedback on each act as she wrote it.shooting the same time she was writing and passing comments back and forth. That just courts disaster. Usually.

I do agree with “MaSch” above in terms of what women writers/directors/producers are producing. After this and the travesty of “Mama Mia,” we ain’t givin’ ourselves such a good name.

JT
JT
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 4:32pm

you’re an awful lot easier on movies that appeal primarily to the twelve year old boy (in all of us)

Seriously. Transformers, anyone?

Karen R
Karen R
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 5:16pm

Oops. In above post I missed deleting two words … “she cranked an outline in 2 weeks” (drop the “25 days”).

blake
blake
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 7:19pm

“Rent it on DVD one night next spring and make fun of it with a group of friends — that’d be the best way to “enjoy” this if you’re not 12 and/or not still afraid of sex.”

Man, I’m 21 and I still find sex pretty scary…
Maybe I’m just not doing it right ?

I’m a straight bloke and even I saw the funny side of Mamma Mia but Twilight just seems a step too far. It doesn’t even have Pierce Bronson’s rubbish singing to laugh at.

Danglar
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 8:17pm

I liked the books, but they ARE cheesy. Therefore, the movie seems to be a faithfull adaptation. Twilight (the book) was paperback chick-lit taken too seriously, and the author sucked much of the fun out of the sequels by making too self-important.

I kinda like the fact that the movie (apparently) sucks, because the book kinda sucked too, but it was fun in a guilty pleasure way. The other books aren’t as good (except Eclipse, which was fast-paced and fun), so I hope they screw-up the sequels LOL.

(sorry for any english mistakes.)

Mel
Mel
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 9:30pm

Now a bunch of male readers will post here just to tell that they want to marry you or want to have little snarky children with you.

I’m one of them.

Hey, I’m female and I want to have hypothetical snarky children with MaryAnn.

Also, definitely more like a 12-year-old boy now than a 12-year-old girl (although at least I had FEMINIST vampire fantasies at that age). I laughed my ass off at Zack and Miri Make a Porno last night and hoped none of the glitter would waft onto me from the Twilight theatre.

I am saddened that Twilight is not more hilarious. I guess I will wait for DVD to mock.

Yen
Yen
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 10:59pm

Not all Twilight fans are squealy whiny girls who scream at the site of Robert Pattinson.

I loved the books. I really did.
Sure, Meyers’ writing is not the best in the world, but I enjoyed the story (although I did think the whole sparkle-sun thing was the worst idea known to vampires).

But, I don’t expect much from the movie. Movie adaptations are always terrible. And I do believe that the whole cast for Twilight were wrong picks.

As much as I loved the books, I loved your review, and I’d love to be sitting in the dark theatre guffawing at acting and cheesiness.

Gia
Gia
Fri, Nov 21, 2008 11:43pm

Lord, between you and Cleolinda Jones, I’m finding this week’s Twilight coverage highly entertaining.

Alexa
Alexa
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 2:13am

To Jewel & Morgan–I’m glad some sane people agree with me!! Some Twilight fans are in complete denial that the movie sucked and they won’t say so because they love their series. I think Stephenie Meyer sold out and gave this movie to whoever would do it (because, really, do you think anyone would want to make this the right way?) because she’s money hungry.

I just want to shake Kristen Stewart out of whatever coma she filmed Twilight in.

And I especially feel bad for Robert Pattinson, for being the leading male in the movie that is going to ruin his career. :(

I guess the movie wasn’t good because–and I finally see this now–the books aren’t that good either.

Aleksander Mosingiewicz
Aleksander Mosingiewicz
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 6:10am

The only thing I’d like to say is that I love your negative reviews.
Ah yes, the next time I’d like to get a girl I’m going to tell her I’M A VAMPIRE. It seems like the ultimate aphrodisiac these days.

Lianne
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 6:21am

Honestly, I think that the large population segment of teenage girls with budding sexuality who are interested in sex but are still really intimidated by it deserve their own escapist fantasies, too. A boy saves the heroine from sexually aggressive boys who are pushing themselves on her, proving that he’s not going to have sex with her on his terms alone, and then waits until she’s ready and the two of them are ready to enter commitment, right? (Haven’t read the books or seen the movie, but I’ve heard the book is pro wait-until-you’re-married and written by a devout Mormon.) That’s pretty much the teenage girl equivalent of a teenage male fantasy, where the female love interest will have sex with him once he’s had his epiphone or reached whatever goal he set out to accomplish (which usually has little or nothing to do with her).

I remember the critic confusion MaryAnn linked to recently. I find it pretty sad that when younger girls are sent an escapist fantasy, and its sexuality isn’t the typical Hollywood “hot people want to have sex with all the other hot people all the time,” many critics/viewers are totally confused and don’t know what to make of it. Anyone who’s ever been or been near a 14-year-old girl and thinks about the movie for more than 30 seconds should understand why it was written/made, even if s/he doesn’t personally relate.

That said, this book and movie sound completely terrible, and even my 14-year-old sister thought it was lame as hell. I just think teenage girls deserve “safe” sexual fantasies like everyone else. I like how MaryAnn actually seems to get that point of Twilight, based on her apt and hilarious pair of green and red lights.

MBI
MBI
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 12:38pm

Saw it. Hated it. Vampires who can’t go out in the sun because they SPARKLE? I want to stress that I’m all for same-sex marriage and equal rights for homosexuals, but seriously, that’s fucking gay.

Speaking of, I realize this is not my call to make, but I don’t see what is so attractive about this Edward guy. He looks like, at best, a young Joaquin Phoenix wearing chalk makeup and a ridiculous haircut.

Still love DT
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 12:51pm

I didn’t read the book, and will do immediately, so some of my concerns may have been answered there.

I thought vampires couldn’t reflect in mirrors. So, the dance studio? And photographs? Why risk having the prom photo taken. If they are “good” vampires who choose to feed on animals, they explain that they need human blood in order to keep their health. Where do they get it? The father is a doctor. Does he have an agreement with the coroner, like Mick St.John in Moonlight?

I was surprised that my husband liked this movie more than I did.

Wasn’t Edward’s make-up sort of iffy? He looked to me like a regular guy with white make-up. The white didn’t even reach his neck.

Speaking of white, Bella’s paleness was much more convincing, and as my husband pointed out: she was pale, Edward couldn’t read her mind…was she, maybe, already some kind of something?

Still love DT
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 2:36pm

Oh, I forgot. Tell Kristin to shut her slack-jawed mouth before a bug flies into it.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 5:18pm

I think that the large population segment of teenage girls with budding sexuality who are interested in sex but are still really intimidated by it deserve their own escapist fantasies, too.

So do I. But the problem with *Twilight* is that it doesn’t seem to realize that’s that’s what it’s about. I’d like a little more self-awareness of teen sexuality than this movie evinces. The thing about Edward isn’t that he’s willing to wait till Bella is ready for… whatever. She’s clearly already pretty aggressive in going after what she wants. It’s that *Edward* is *never* going to give her what she wants. If vampirisim is the metaphor for sex here, then Edward can *never* be a “proper” vampire with Bella, because he’s sworn off it. It’s as if Edward is a monk who is willing to jerk off but will never agree to actually make love to Bella, but he will keep teasing her with the prospect of it.

It’s not *Bella* who’s afraid of sex. It’s the movie. And that *is* a problem.

Katie Green
Katie Green
Sat, Nov 22, 2008 5:48pm

“Well, I’m probably closer to the mindset of a 12-year-old boy than I am closer to that of a 12-year-old girl. Always have been. I think that’s true of more of us women than people suspect.”

Amen to that!

What kills me is that it took putting the book on the big screen to make some people realize how horrifically awful the source material was. Even aside from the rampant misogyny and romanticized poor-decision-making– the fact that a book with that kind of writing even got published depresses me out of my mind.

You’d think that, book-publishing being this competitive arena and all, only the quality stuff would make it out. Instead we have Eragon and Twilight. Too long by more than half, written like a piece of crappy internet fanfic, and snapped up by teens like candy because they don’t even have a sense for what good writing is. No one is stepping up to remind them what the good stuff tastes like.

Lianne
Sun, Nov 23, 2008 8:35pm

From MaryAnn:

“…the problem with *Twilight* is that it doesn’t seem to realize that’s that’s what it’s about. I’d like a little more self-awareness of teen sexuality than this movie evinces…. It’s not *Bella* who’s afraid of sex. It’s the movie. And that *is* a problem.”

I’m sorry, I still haven’t seen the movie, so I can only argue this point from a general media criticism standpoint…

While I see your point, I think creating a world where sexuality exists (or stand-in sexuality, such as vampiric biting) but the female character will never have it isn’t necessarily a bad kind of escapist female fantasy, particularly for a young audience. Plenty of teenage girls who become sexually active aren’t necessarily doing it for the sex–they’re doing it because they’re curious, they’re doing it for male attention, they’re doing it because they want to KNOW, in no uncertain terms, that they’re desirable. I think the fantasy of a boy wanting a girl really badly but never actually having sex with her could be very appealing to many girls, especially in the 12 to 16 range.

The concept of a sexual fantasy for girls where no girl is actually receiving sex isn’t new–Japan’s been making boatloads of money off of boyxboy porn by and for women (known as yaoi or BL (Boys Love) over here) for more than 20 years, and in a comics market with a much, much more developed “porn for girls” industry than we have in the West. You can read about it on Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaoi. A known Japanese media critic recently described the genre with “When you read BL, you dream of True Love…but not for yourself.” Considering the popularity of yaoi/BL in Japan and how it’s exploded in the comics industry over here over the past 5 years…

Just sayin’.

JoshB
JoshB
Sun, Nov 23, 2008 10:00pm

@Lianne: You put a period at the end of that hyperlink, it’s an empty wikipedia page.

Huh, that’s interesting. I’ve often wondered if women are as interested in male homosexuality as men are in lesbianism. Are the men in Yaoi generally depicted as traditionally masculine or more stereotypically effeminate?

Lianne
Sun, Nov 23, 2008 10:28pm

Whoops! Sorry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaoi

Josh, I don’t want to get too off-topic here, so I’ll just say that “traditionally masculine” characteristics like lots of body hair and big muscles are often associated with gay comics made by and for gay men in Japan. In yaoi, which is by and for women, effeminacy was very much in style in the earlier years of the genre but has since faded a bit in favor of a thin, clean, but decidedly more male type of man. See http://bp2.blogger.com/_Qck4d7nzB1Q/Rc27_lv9xnI/AAAAAAAAAGw/OfNj-5pL4qs/s1600-h/harudaki+12+cover.jpg for a more modern yaoi look (picture is safe for work) and http://static2.animepaper.net/upload/thumbs/scans/Okane-Ga-Nai/%5Blarge%5D%5BAnimePaper%5Dscans_Okane-Ga-Nai_MadoshiKurefu(1.31)__THISRES__186694.jpg for a modern yaoi that uses an older style (picture is also safe for work).

And that’s all I’ll say about that, since this thread is for Twilight and how bad it is. :)

Wings
Wings
Sun, Nov 23, 2008 11:30pm

My word! This is beyond excellent. Initially, I was worried that you had liked the movie (this worried me as I enjoy reading your reviews and seem to share a similar taste in films), but this fear was dispelled after the first few sentences.

I thank you profusely for this delectable dish of chilled satire.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Sun, Nov 23, 2008 11:33pm

Plenty of teenage girls who become sexually active aren’t necessarily doing it for the sex–they’re doing it because they’re curious, they’re doing it for male attention, they’re doing it because they want to KNOW, in no uncertain terms, that they’re desirable.

I understand that. But giving them a fantasy boy who won’t ever, ever push them for sex — or to be bitten — no matter how much those girls push is hardly a step in a positive direction.

Jody
Jody
Mon, Nov 24, 2008 11:11am

I read the first book this week to see what the fuss is about, and it read to me like most of the fanfiction out there – all emotion and dialogue, hardly any description of anyone (besides Edward, who gets described again on every other page). I read the author’s blog and what do you know, this is her first book and it was based on a dream she had about a “sparkly” vampire. Which explained the fanfiction feel of the book – she fell in love with the character just as people do with movie or book characters, and wrote a Mary Sue story about him.

I’ll skip the movie . . . but I must say, it was worth them making the movie so Mary Ann could write this review.

Katie Dvorak
Katie Dvorak
Mon, Nov 24, 2008 4:19pm

HAHAHA. Awesome review as alwasy. As someone who’s read all the books and went from bemused but liking to incredibly annoyed/pissed/frustrated/etc. I had a feeling this was going to be the nonfans response to the movie.

Based on the trailers I couldn’t decide if it was going to be so bad it’s good or just plain bad. Guess it’s the later.

Lyna
Lyna
Mon, Nov 24, 2008 8:35pm

The problem I have with Edward as a fantasy boy for girls isn’t that we ladies don’t deserve escapist fantasies, but in Edward’s character – he isn’t some ideal man, he’s an abusive stalker. I find it really disturbing that these girls – and women – are idolizing a guy who sneaks into Bella’s room at night and watches her sleep, and later takes the engine out of her car so she can’t go visit a male friend. That is my issue with females fantasizing about him.